Speedlings (3/7/10

I got ready to set up some seeds in a window to get them started for the planting season. I found some old peat pots in a closet from a few years before. Some of them had little 1/2 inch sprouts in them that were mummified. Sad. I put them in the window and put water on them so they'd be ready for new seeds. The water soaked in to the dried out sprouts and they turned green again. It was like watching a time lapse video of plants growing. The little sprouts started to jiggle as new leaves and branches bloomed from them and they grew taller. The explosive growth tapered off after the seedlings got to about 10 inches. I called my sister to tell her about it.

Pop (3/6/10)

A guy I randomly friended on fACEBOOK is angry at me for being less interesting than I used to be. He is unfriending me, and moving out of the spare room. On his way out her gets his box of mice off the top of the fridge where he was hiding them from me. I told him that it would have been ok with me if he had the mice out. I don't need them hidden from me. We part ways.

In the commotion my tank of small fish was moved to the sink. The faucet was running in the sink too. A minute or two later I hear a loud pop in the sink. I look in to see what happened. In the sink was a finger sized piece of grey meaty popcorn. The other end of the eel was still in the fish tank. All of my little fish were ruptured and floating. While the sink was running it was apparently pouring out boiling water which caused the water in the tank to over heat and cook the fish.

Shag (01/11/10)

I was at this bed and breakfast with some friends when I realized that my left earring was missing. SHIT!! This B&B had tall shaggy carpets and I had been in and out of like every room in the place.

I got down on my hands and knees and started searching the carpet for the 10 gauge SSS bead ring (That's stainless steel body jewelry, FYI). I found a bead! I didn't remember my bead being so large, and threaded... it's not my bead. I put it in my pocket and continue searching for mine. A moment later I find a barbell sans threaded beads that did not match the bead I had in my pocket. Mmkay.... An hour or so later I had been to a few rooms and I had a growing pile of disarticulated body jewelry. There were barbells, bead rings, beads with crystals, nostril screws... etc. If I just ran out and got some needles I could have opened up my very own unsanitary piercing studio.

I don't know how all this jewelry could have been lost in the first place. I mean, I know that there is a carpet and that you would not hear your nut rings clank on the floor, but you would probably notice that your nut sack felt 1/4 lb lighter, right? After all that pain and expense of getting your nut sack pierced you'd search everywhere for your giant missing nut rings.

I eventually find my missing earring (I assume it's mine anyways because it's the same basic size as the ring in my other ear) and it's been stepped on and bent a little. Well damn, I guess I need to go buy another one.

Bathroom Window Videophone (01/09/10)B

My coworker Holly was going to have this party tonight so I went into the bathroom and was getting ready. I'm all on the toilet and stuff, peeing, and the bathroom window videophone like rang (?) or something so I answered it. It was Raji and she was wondering if I was also going to Holly's party tonight. We talked for a few minutes and it was really windy outside and I could see trees snapping off and crashing to the ground. One tree trunk crashes into the BWVP and it looks like Raji got crushed. I of course calmly return to my bodily functions and continue getting ready for the party.
The BWVP comes back up a bit later and Raji is fine cuz obviously she does not live in the Window.

Dinner with the Brins (01/09/10)A

I was so stoked! I was going to be hanging out with David Brin and his family! YES!! It was so gonna rock. I brought my mom. We talked about books and shit, then we got out some Sci Fi movies and started watching those. Mom left because she's not into Sci Fi.

Horatio Sans (10/23/09)

I'm sleeping in my bed and as I'm waking up I roll over and face the window. In the window is a guy looking in on me. I'm barely awake and for a moment this makes sense. Also, when I am barely awake stupid things make sense. Then I realize there really is a guy in the window, that he is standing on another guy who is in a wheelchair (that's how he's tall enough to see in), and he's holding a sheep which is also staring at me so I jump up and call 911.

The robot voice on the line asks me what my emergency is and I tell it that there is a guy who looks like Horatio Sans holding a sheep and looking in my bedroom window while standing on a guy in a wheelchair. As I'm on the phone Horatio Sans gets down and leaves, dragging his sheep and his wheelchair guy with him. I ask the 911 robot to send cops to investigate this guy and I realize that the line is dead. No cops came out, probably because they thought I was making shit up.

I leave the bedroom and go down stairs and Horatio Sans is trying to get into the house! Shit!

Stephen Colbert (10/16/09)

For some reason Stephen Colbert is sending me engagement rings through the mail. He doesn't really know me very well, and this is probably why none of the rings fit or really seem to be a ring I would want. I have to keep sending them back and politely declining the offer. It must be for some kind of sketch for the Colbert Report.

Blumpkins (10/09/09)

I'm in this store with a group of people. The store has innocent products in it and also smutty products. It's like that mall chain store who may or may not still exist and I can't think of their name right now. I'm walking around looking at the variety of stuff.

At some point I realize that I need to go pee so I seek out the public restroom. The bathroom was huge and had many stalls. There were armed guards in it too as the bathroom was unisex, and they don't want anyone being raped unwillingly. Man, was that bathroom a busy place! I wander through all the halls looking for an empty stall (and by STALL I mean a cubical with low walls around it so everyone can see what you are doing). I see all kinds of depravity going on. One whole row of stalls was dudes getting blumpkins (look it up).

(This post will get me a bunch of random hits from pervs!)

cupcakes (10.5.09)B

I am at a banquet with my BF and a few other people. There are many other people there too. I had made cupcakes for the event and they turned out shockingly good. The rest of the event was spent with me trying to locate my cupcakes.

Eventually the event ends and it's just my people who are still milling around. My BF sends me on a mission to find more cupcakes (like I wasn't already doing that all night). I happen across the staff's fridge. It has left overs in it. I check all over and there are none of my cupcakes left it seems. There are other confections though, and I cram my face full of them.

Flooding! (10.5.09)A

The river is flooding. I hate that. Flood water is always this murky water that is spooky and gross.

We are driving over that bridge near Bart's and the river is only 1 to 2 feet under the bridge and I'm feeling claustrophobic about it.

Soon after I have to use a boat to get around town.