My Grandparent's House (4/01/09)

I'm visiting my Tx Grandparents (yeah, both of them). It's some sort of family get together. I have this super huge list of things that I need to do in the next few days so I am trying to do them from there. My grandparent's house is weird. It looks like a strange amalgamation of Ladymedic's apartment's living room, NY Grandmother's house's top floor, and a giant furnished basement. It is awesome. In order to get my crap done for the next few days I needed to get to bed at a reasonable time. I go to one of the upstairs bedrooms to stake out a claim. My mother and sister are already in the beds in the small middle room. Twin beds, even. I can't share those with them.

I go down to the basement to take a look at what is around for beds. Holy crap the place is huge! Lots of bedrooms! They could rent them out if they wanted. I go choose one and try to make some phone calls. People are in that room already. Ok, so I choose another room. People are in there too, but there is an extra bed, so I can have that one. I go out to the middle of the basement to make my calls in peace. Suddenly a bunch of people start walking around in the basement. There are cousins and coworkers and SnBers. WTF? Some of them jump onto couches with thier laptops and Shush me so they can study. I start walking around the huge basement looking for a new quiet place to make my calls. At some point I find a bar, and not like a bar that is a pole, but like a bar where people drink, and there are a lot of people there. This bar does a brisk trade. I'm already in my pajamas, kinda tired, and really needing to get my shit done and make my calls. I need to do laundry too. There is no time for going to a bar.

Lesbians?!? (10/28/08)

I'm at my grandparent's house in TX for a birthday party for some little cousins of mine. They are twins, a boy and a girl. My grandparent's house is huge and awesome. It has one of the most complicated staircases in the world. To go to the second floor you have to go up one staircase, down another one, across this little walkway, down and then up again. It takes a while but it gives you a good workout.

At some point a relative takes me asside and says: "There has been some talk about you and lesbians. Do you know lesbians????"

"Certainly not! That would be scandalous!" I say.

That put everyone's mind at ease and we returned to the party. My little cousins were unwrapping thier gifts.

That internet friend (9/25/08)

For whatever random reason I have one of my former internet friends visiting. He's kindof a dick. Some huge party gets started here and the house gets trashed. My mom is all up in my grill yelling at me for the mess I made. While my mom is trying to get my attention the internet friend is also talking to me, and like an asshole, is not shutting up while my mom is talking. Dude, I'll get in trouble if I don't listen to what my mom issaying, STFU. I'm being yelled at for the pile of dirty dishes. I yell back that they are the mess that her cousin, who has been visiting now for a month, has made. He's such a slacker.

The Spiders and the Bees & Texas Road Trip (4/6/08)

I'm in my room in the old house eating the corners off a square cake. It can't fit under the round cake keeper until I do this, and I can't hide it in my room without a cover. There are bees and spiders in my room. One really huge bee was flying around and it landed on my wall near a spider that was in my window. The bee tripped some sort of web line and got stuck, and the spider jumped on it and started munching the hell out of it. Bee parts were flying everywhere. When the spider was done, it felt guilty about it, and hid the evidence of the dried out bee husk on my bed, and then it crawled into the radiator to hide.

@@@@@

Later on in my room in the old house (CT) I was using Sarizona's laptop computer, which I borowed to use in my old room. I hear my cat Sneakers in the hall way growling at something. Another cat probably. I go to open my door to let her in, and someone kicks her into my door. WTF? Some random cousin is in the hall kicking my cat? Bitch. I go use the laptop to blog about it while eating cake corners. Why are there even random cousins in the old house?

Later on Dad gets us (dad, mom, sister, myself, 2 random evil cousins, some dude, ..etc) all into the car to go to Arlen TX, which apparently isn't just a made up town in King Of The Hill. It has a museum in it. The car is so loaded down with luggage and people and is sortof cone shaped now. Evidently I was in a hurry and I only packed the computer. I had only the clothes I was wearing, which was a large tee shirt/pajama shirt with no underwear. Oopse.

I'm there in the car with Sarizona's laptop on my lap and I'm trying to get the touch screen to work. What a piece of shit it is, with it's non-working touch screen and it's big round heavy monitor. A random evil cousin, in a rare moment of friendliness, started talking to me about Churches Chicken, and asked what kind of service the comp got on this huge snow covered mountain in the middle of nowhere. Bad service, it turns out, I was using up Sarizona's free minutes like crazy, so I shut it off and stowed it.

Yeah, so there is this huge mountain we are driving across. It is covered with snow and ice, the roads are narrow and poorly marked, some of the roads go through people's bedrooms (and you can see thier socked feet sticking out from the covers), and there are strange UFO things in the sky (Marfa lights??). It wasn't fun. We get off the mountain and enter Arlen right at dawn. Yay? We park at the museum and as we are getting out of the car a random evil cousin pushes me. Okay...

The museum is dumb. I ask to go back to the car to make sure Sarizona's computer is hidden properly. It is huge and retarded with it's big ass round monitor and non-functioning touch screen. Also I wanted to get away from the cousins so I could talk about them to my parents. Problem is I wasn't to sure what they looked like so I have to be careful that nobody is around when I'm talking about them. This is imposible to do as Arlen Museum is a real happening place in the early morning hours.