Itty Bitty Kitty (9/15/09)

I am cleaning stuff out of the house for a tag sale and I notice a small fuzzy spot on the wall near the light switch. It is more or less round, black, and has a cat's face. It gets off the wall and into my bed. I continue getting stuff together for that tag sale. It sleeps on my bed.

Animals (4/10/09)

I'm house sitting @ the house with a cat and a dog, and also Ladymedic's dog is there too. I let LM's dog out to potty one night and the cat got out too. When I opened the door to let the dog and cat return they run into the house and behind them are more cats. They don't seem aggresive in any way other than how they barged into the house so I let them stay. They are all dark colored cats except for that one that was a red abbysian (sp?). This one was sortof a dark redish-purpleish-brown and long and pointy the was a siamese is. Awesome. Pretty cat.

I wasn't sure why these cats were running to the house all of a sudden. More were at the door trying to get in. I let them in and in runs another red cat. Oh wait, no, that is a fox. Shit! It's trying to eat the cats!

I manage to get the fox back outside. It only ate a few of the cats, including the red one, and a small white kitten that was on the porch waiting to get in. I feel guilty about that one. There was nothing I could do. I had to keep the fox out and the animals I was being paid to watch in.

Race to Human Mountain (3/27/09)A

The alien kids on Race to Witch Mountain might be pleasant, but the rest of the people on their planet are dicks!

I'm in one of their houses mysteriously. I am not sure how I got there and I think I'm still on earth. The family living there is really tired of seeing me wander around like a noob and they start demanding that I leave. Their pets come out of wherever they have been hiding. 3 cats. One cat is normal like your typical earth cat, with a normal earth cat body and a normal earth cat pointed muzzle. The other two cats had long necks and their heads were flush with their necks in some weird half-cylinder. It's like a furry stalk of celery with a face on it. Also they had a really weird meow.

I asked the family WTF was up with their cats and they were like "Nothing is TF up with our cats, GTFO, for real."

Then I go, and I realize that I'm on Witch Mountain's planet and not earth, and that is why the cats looked all crappy.

Mexicans (3/23/09)

My family and I are in the living room (old house) when the mexicans beat the door down. Other than the beating of the door they don't seem violent. They just want some stuff in the kitchen. We ignore them. My cat Sneakers is in the window with no screen. Another cat unknown to us is in the window with a screen. This new cat walks up to the screen-less window where Sneakers is relaxing and forces her out of it. We hear a thud on the lawn.
Fuck.
I run out to the flower bush and my cat is twitching on the ground.

Sable the Cat (03/10/09)

IRL: We recently had a cat from the humane society living with us while an injury healed. Shortly before he was scheduled to come back he figured out how to open doors. His name is Sable.

Dream: Sable keeps opening doors. It's so stressful. Sometimes he opens the door to the bathroom (where we keep him) and gets our cats to go in and then shuts the door on them. Sometimes he leaves the house altogether and we have to go chase him up and down the street.

My shrinking cat (11/19/08)

I'm at my grandmother's house in Niagara Falls. My whole family is there. My cat is there. In her extreme old age she has been shrinking. At 23 she is now kitten sized. It's sad and cute all at the same time. There are pillar shaped clouds in the sky behind the house so I shout to everyone to get into the basement. Evidently those tornadoes did not hit the house. Good thing too, as I was having a hard time finding a spot in the basement that was not by a window, or not by a lot of sharp tools.

Cats (5/25/08)

I'm on the couch and sister is in the reclining chair. She sees a cat fight starting up behind me. She tells me that Cannibal is puffing up and is getting ready to kick Spam's ass. I slowly turn my head to look and Cannibal is indeed inflated to about 4 feet wide now.

Cakes (4/29/08)C

I baked a cake because I felt like it. I like cakes. I took it to the kitchen (apparently I did not bake it in the kitchen) so I could put it in the cake keeper. I find the top of the cake keeper but I can't find the bottom. Oh, there is the bottom, it is under another cake. This other cake is shaped like a cat. It is fairly detailed. I guess the top of the keeper wasn't on it because the cat cake stuck out past the bottom of the keeper. This cake was being taken somewhere, and since we don't have big cake boxes in the house it had to be slid into a plastic bag. The ears broke off.

Angel with the 11" penis (4/11/08)

We begin this story in the dining room of the old house. I see a cat under the table. It is fat. It is a tabby with black, red, purple, and blue stripes. Neat. How did it get in the house? Maybe it squeezed through this little opening in the sliding door? Someone must be missing thier fat technicolor tabby. I call our vet to ask if anyone knows anything.

Random scene change to a big ass warehouse type place with obstacles for cats to hide behind. People are all over the place trying to catch them so they can adopt them. I work at this warehouse as a cat capturer. I come walking in with my arms full of like 6 kittens all ROYGBV (Fuck Indigo!) and shit and the people snatch them up. Novelty kittens are a hot seller.

Another random scene change and I'm in a board room with my dad and a bunch of japanese buisiness men. Some sort of buisiness deal is arranged (for kittens?) and we all file out into the parking lot to leave. They all pile into the car and with 3 people up front and 4 in the back there really is no room for me. I'm told they will be back after they drop some people off. Ok. I go roll around in the grass.

An overweight homeless woman wanders up to me and asks if I have any money. I give her $34, 6 Dr. Scholls shoe inserts, and some bandaids....Because I am an angel and that's what angels do. The music changes, and I looked at my watch and the movie (which is what this was...?) was almost over. The woman was so pleased with the gift that she parades her 3 small children out and her little boy shoots me. I start to die. The woman pushes her kids into the warehouse so my murderer will be easy to catch and she won't be investigated, and she runs her ass off with the $34.

Since I'm an angel I do a fancy time travel thing to go back to just minutes before she gets there. I arm myself with 2 machine guns (one for each hand), an invisble bullet proof suit from the future, and an 11" penis. I assume this is when I aquired one because I didn't have one before, and if I'm going to have one at all it better be a showstopper.

The homeless woman shows up asking for money and I whip out my machine guns and go after her. Damn! She also has invisble armor! I keep shooting anyways hoping there will be a hole in the armor. Then I see her kids and I start aiming at those little fuckers. The homeless woman sees the error of her ways and she takes her kids and leaves. Sweet. End Credits.

A preview is shown for the sequel to this movie, "The underage prostitute and the angel with the 11" penis". LOL! It won't do so well in most theaters.