Weird Vacation? (9/15/08)

Emily, Sarah, Mark and myself were going to go to see a show before we traveled to Europe. The show was some sort of one-person play/stand up/concert thing. It was kinda lame.

Later on we find ourselves at a beach. The tsunamis was not as frequent on this day, which is good. I grew tired of the beach so I teleported to another place. There was some sort of annoying and violent redneck family squatting in this new place. They did not seem to like my intrusion so they had sent one of thier stolen pet lions after me. This particular lion was black and didn't have much in the way of neck fur. I flew up into the air, the lion reared up to get me, I was just out of it's reach. I ended the fight by jumping on the lion's neck and breaking it's spine. This just pissed off the rednecks and they were about to sic another stolen lion on me, but what they didn't know was that the cops were on thier way, and they had guns. The lions were shot. Thew rednecks and the police had a fierce gun battle so I teleported away. Unfortunately one of the gun-totting rednecks got teleported with me, and I soon found myself hiding behind a large pillar-like sculpture while the gunman looked for me. The people in the office building that owned the sculpture eventually called the cops to get the guy. I teleported to rejoin my friends at the beach.

From there we went to Europe, somewhere on the Hungary/Germany/France border. We were going to see a show there too. It was supposed to be the finest show in Hungary/Germany/France. Before the show we walked the streets of whatever city is on the border of H/G/F. It was full of crazy shops. That is always a good time. There was this riverboat or ferry ride that looked classy and cool so we decided we'd go for a ride on it. We get just to the front of the line, which is on a ramp that attatches to the boat, and the girl employee was like "We are full. We can't fit any more humans on the boat." Naturally I stepped over the rope and revealed that I was not human (I'm from space, and the future, and I can teleport and fly). She looked at me like I was high on crack. I offered to show her my tail, or my 4th stomach.

We got escorted off the boat ramp. Whatever. It was almost time for the show anyways. While lining up to get our seats we run into alot of germans also in line to see the show.
I say : The german accent is really hot.
Emily says: No, it sounds like garbage.
Oh snap.
We are seated and the show begins. It seems sort of familiar. The lady is lame, but is dressed totally different from that show we saw before we went to the beach that time. Then the lady makes some reference to the bag of tattoos she just got. Wait... that previous show also had a bag of tattoos. I stood up and asked her if that bag of tattoos was a large black garbage bag. She turned pale and realized that she'd been found out. She ran off the stage on tears. Nobody in the audience cared, because the play or whatever it was sucked. The german-accented people thanked me.

We left the theatre and it was dark out. Emily, Sarah and Mark were all holding hands and skipping down the sidewalk, sortof like that scene in Wizard of Oz. It was difficult for me to keep up on foot so I flew above them. As they approached the street I shrank them so it would be easier to cross the street. Being really small makes it easier to be seen by oncoming traffic, right? After screaming and running thier way across the busy european street they get to the other side of the road. I restore them to thier usual sizes. Somehow we are at Central Connecticut State University at dawn. Weird.

Star Trek: Voyager (5/15/08)

The episode begins with the crew attending a party in this massive ball room. The alien spiecies seems really friendly. They are about 12" shorter than most humans and they are not really easy on the eyes, so it's a really good thing that they are nice. They are space rednecks.

They are really pressuring thier Starfleet visitors to try the cake. It is vaguely cake shaped, but it looks kinda weird, like it was made with atypical cake ingredients, or is vegan or something. It smells weird too. No one wants it. I take a piece but pick at it. It's bad.

The aliens reveal thier crazy ass plot, which is to capture the visiting crew members and eat them. There are no animals on thier world except for them. Everything is plants. My crew mates transport off out of the ball room. I fly away (I can fly).

We all think the episode is over until 3 (2 adult brothers and one tweener son) of the aliens transport aboard the ship to get us. Fortunately for us water is like sulphuric acid to them, and we have vast supplies of water and water guns. They come down the hallway, we make a stand and blast them with water. It has an effect, but they scream, shrug it off, and continue to advance. Lucky for me I can be invisble. The aliens will pop into a room looking for crew and I can ambush them. I got the kid really good. He's on the floor whining like a little bitch about his horrible chemical burns and his dad is all like "Why did you do that? He's only a kid?". I shoot him with water too. Bitches.

We kick the aliens back to thier ballroom. It breaks the ballroom. Apparently thier planet is a lush rain forest and the ballrooms are like giant hovering wooden crates (those fucking rednecks). In the forest there is another alien species that is way less redneck but still after a sentient source of meat. The ballrooms crashing to the ground will provide them with rednecky aliens to conquer and eat.

This weird mission is complete, and Voyager aims for earth and continues it's voyage.

Seven Days (4/28/08)

(yeah, like that TV show)

Something (unknown to me) happens and a backstep is ordered to correct it. Frank backsteps and does not contact his people at the NSA. They panic and send Olga, of all people, to find him. She backsteps too.

There is a room. I am stretched out on the floor on my tummy reading something. Olga finds herself in the room as well, also reading something, and she's not sure how she got there. A few minutes of her confussed silence later I ask her why she backstepped. 'Oh snap!' she must be thinking. Someone knows about this top secret NSA project. She goes to call the NSA people but finds that she can't because she's not 7 days in the past, she's somewhere in the future (and probably outer space. I am green and not human and awesome!). She puts 2 and 2 together and figures out that I took Frank and have done something with him. She brutally attacks me with knives. I avoid the attack with alien-ninja-like precision. I'm so cool!

I assure her that Frank is fine. He's recovering in some recovery tank. Backstepping damages your stuff. Makes you crazy and incomplete. She still wants to kick my ass. I continue to explain that backstepping is none of thier buisiness. Stuff happens all the time, who is the NSA to decide which events need to be fixed?

I go show her Frank, who is chilling in a healing pool of slime or something. Olga is relieved. I pack them back into the time ship thing and send them home to thier proper time period.

Revenge? (4/3/08)

My people (the ones from the future and outer space) were here to help me take revenge on people. They accompanied me to that place that I almost don't work at anymore and a random assortment of people were abducted. They were taken to this torture gymnasium for such activies as being shot at by people with bad aim, and the 'airplane', which was actually a device that stretches you out until you die. Gruesome. The mafia was there, also shooting with poor aim. They got sent to the airplane. There was cute guy there who also wanted to go to the airplane, but I told him it was a bad idea, and I left him and his girlfriend go free.