I am out one day at work/school and I realize that I need to pee. Like really bad. I go looking for a bathroom. I find one but I can't pee. I just can't pee this much in a public restroom.
I decide that I will go home to pee and that I want to do so before sister gets home from wherever she is because for some reason this matters. It's snowing outside now. I figure I should really try to get home soon, because the snow is getting deep and sister could be sent home early from wherever she is, and I need to go pee at home before she gets there.
On my way out of the building I'm in I pass through a set of doors and find myself in a banquet hall full of people celebrating "Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job" for some dumbass reason. Holy shit this banquet sucked! It was full of Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim, thier fans, and the lame ass stunt/gag/jokes from the show. Wtf seriously. I leave that room and go home.
I get home and go looking for the potty. Instead I find myself looking out the window to see my car, which is now leaning up against the house and the trunk section is broken and on the ground behind it. The whole thing looks banged up. Did I park it there like that? I look for another window to look out because that can't really be my car, I must be dreaming. I find the other window and my car is still diagonal and broken, so I must not be dreaming.
Just then my sister gets home and I lost my chance to pee.
5.17.2009
5.01.2009
New York City (5-1-09)B
Amanda needs to see a Dr for some thing or whatever. Instead of going to her usual Dr she wants to go to this random place she saw once in Bloomfield, and wants me to tell her how to get there. I have no idea. We drive around in the dark.
Next day we end up in NYC. Okay... We find public parking and we park and go exploring. One of the first places we pass is some bar. Thier menu is on the window. They have crab legs: "1 leg is $3, 5 legs are $5, and there is no additional charge for 10 legs". Amanda thinks the sign says that it's free if you get 10 crab legs, so she runs in. I go in as well.
We are seated at a booth and there is a cauldron of seafood soup on the table. In it is green prawns, squid rings, whole octopi, and a shit load of onions. Broth too, obviously. We each get some soup and eat it. Some old people walk into the bar and are now sitting in our booth like we arn't even there. After a few mins the waitress shoos them away and gets them a booth of thier own.
At some point we become aware of a dessert buffet in the other side of the bar. Sweet. I decided that I needed to pee first. I go find the bathroom and go into a stall to pee. 2 stalls away I can hear a man and a woman discussing stuff in hushed tones. Probably the illicit bathroom stall sex that they are no doubt getting ready to have. Gross. The women's bathroom is filling up with people so I hurry up and flush the toilet. Naturally it over flows violently sending a tsunami of
pee-water onto the shoes of the people waiting outside the stall. I get sworn at by some guys. The cleaning crew runs in to take care of the angry people and the water. The paper towels in this bathroom are actually made up of fair isle knits. I was going to take a piece to show my SnB but the drama of the overflow forced me to leave quickly.
Attatched to this bar was a game room. We went in. There is this mars rover-looking robot that circles the game room area and drops out plastic vending eggs (like they have @ the supermarket and it costs 50 cents to get some silly toy) randomly behind it. A group of people get us to help them corner it so it will drop a ton of toys. We scoop up the eggs and run off to open them. It's all little crappy things but it's fun as hell. I did not bring a purse since this Bloomfield-Dr trip was so spontaneous, so I had to find a bowl for my little plastic toys. We get separated in one of the rooms. I wandered around and found the robot and tried to chase it. I guess it has sensors that tell it if it's being chased, and it will zoom away even faster. There are nooks in the wall to collect eggs and empty egg shells so they won't become tripping hazards. I drig through one of them and find a larger egg (they varried in size from panty-hose container to the size of a blackberry [kinda bumpy like one too]). Inside the larger egg was a necklace composed of a plastic pendant shaped like the USS Enterprise with a blue LED in it, and on either side of that were the plastic heads of Spock and Kirk. It rocked. I put it on.
Next day we end up in NYC. Okay... We find public parking and we park and go exploring. One of the first places we pass is some bar. Thier menu is on the window. They have crab legs: "1 leg is $3, 5 legs are $5, and there is no additional charge for 10 legs". Amanda thinks the sign says that it's free if you get 10 crab legs, so she runs in. I go in as well.
We are seated at a booth and there is a cauldron of seafood soup on the table. In it is green prawns, squid rings, whole octopi, and a shit load of onions. Broth too, obviously. We each get some soup and eat it. Some old people walk into the bar and are now sitting in our booth like we arn't even there. After a few mins the waitress shoos them away and gets them a booth of thier own.
At some point we become aware of a dessert buffet in the other side of the bar. Sweet. I decided that I needed to pee first. I go find the bathroom and go into a stall to pee. 2 stalls away I can hear a man and a woman discussing stuff in hushed tones. Probably the illicit bathroom stall sex that they are no doubt getting ready to have. Gross. The women's bathroom is filling up with people so I hurry up and flush the toilet. Naturally it over flows violently sending a tsunami of
pee-water onto the shoes of the people waiting outside the stall. I get sworn at by some guys. The cleaning crew runs in to take care of the angry people and the water. The paper towels in this bathroom are actually made up of fair isle knits. I was going to take a piece to show my SnB but the drama of the overflow forced me to leave quickly.
Attatched to this bar was a game room. We went in. There is this mars rover-looking robot that circles the game room area and drops out plastic vending eggs (like they have @ the supermarket and it costs 50 cents to get some silly toy) randomly behind it. A group of people get us to help them corner it so it will drop a ton of toys. We scoop up the eggs and run off to open them. It's all little crappy things but it's fun as hell. I did not bring a purse since this Bloomfield-Dr trip was so spontaneous, so I had to find a bowl for my little plastic toys. We get separated in one of the rooms. I wandered around and found the robot and tried to chase it. I guess it has sensors that tell it if it's being chased, and it will zoom away even faster. There are nooks in the wall to collect eggs and empty egg shells so they won't become tripping hazards. I drig through one of them and find a larger egg (they varried in size from panty-hose container to the size of a blackberry [kinda bumpy like one too]). Inside the larger egg was a necklace composed of a plastic pendant shaped like the USS Enterprise with a blue LED in it, and on either side of that were the plastic heads of Spock and Kirk. It rocked. I put it on.
Claire's Corner Copia (5-1-09)A
There is this vegetarian bakery/deli in New Haven called Claire's Corner Copia. Apparently if you are the last patron in the shop (like if the shop empties suddenly, not at the end of the day neccesarily) the staff will kill you. This was a little known fact, otherwise I'd imagine they would have 0 patrons all the time.
I go there one day fully knowing this. It is totally busy when I get there. Lines everywhere. I line up and choose a slice of cake and order it. While I am slowly eating the cake the shop starts to empty out. When there are just myself and another person in the store, the manager somes over and asks me if I need anything else. I say a drink of water, and also that I will be leaving this establishment alive today. The manager looks at me with a raised eyebrown, I look at him with a raised eyebrow. The other customer leaves. The staff lunges at me and I kick all thier asses and leave. Losers. I went there several more times to hand out ass kickings because it's fun as hell. Plus the cake is really good.
I go there one day fully knowing this. It is totally busy when I get there. Lines everywhere. I line up and choose a slice of cake and order it. While I am slowly eating the cake the shop starts to empty out. When there are just myself and another person in the store, the manager somes over and asks me if I need anything else. I say a drink of water, and also that I will be leaving this establishment alive today. The manager looks at me with a raised eyebrown, I look at him with a raised eyebrow. The other customer leaves. The staff lunges at me and I kick all thier asses and leave. Losers. I went there several more times to hand out ass kickings because it's fun as hell. Plus the cake is really good.
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