Orgies and Spiders (11/20/08)B

While at the mall with the BF we run into these two random dudes who we invite back to that house that I am housesitting at for an orgy. Way cool.

Later on I went back to my own house and went to use the master bathroom. On the screen of the master bathroom's window is the most horrifying giant spider. It's on the outside and that is a really good thing. It had a thick body the size of a small bird, meaty legs about the width of my fingers, and 2 huge eyes that I could kinda see through it's pale translucent yellowish body. I tried to blow it off the screen. It was so gross. I took out my camera phone so I could get a few shots of it because no way was anyone goung to believe the size of this thing. As I am photographing it it starts to slowly walk down the window and onto the roof. A passing fox runs up the side of the house to try and get it, but fails. It runs back into the forest. A few hours later I take out my phone to show people the spider pictures, but every time I pull the picture up on the screen I reflexively throw the phone on the ground. Nasty.

Haunted Bathroom (11/20/08)

I feel like a family member is playing a prank on me. Stacked on top of the faucet in the bathroom are 2 of my individually wrapped cookie bars, unwrapped and sitting directly on the toothpaste-polka-dot faucet. They are really tasty for a pre-packaged and manufactured cookie product, and now they are inedible because they are on the faucet of questionable cleanliness. Dammit. I left something in the room to go seek out the prankster and when I came back that thing was totally on top of the cookie bar stack. No one had been in the bathroom since I left it. Ghosts did it. Another person confirms that they went in there earlier and there was an apparition floating around in the shower.
Weird.

My shrinking cat (11/19/08)

I'm at my grandmother's house in Niagara Falls. My whole family is there. My cat is there. In her extreme old age she has been shrinking. At 23 she is now kitten sized. It's sad and cute all at the same time. There are pillar shaped clouds in the sky behind the house so I shout to everyone to get into the basement. Evidently those tornadoes did not hit the house. Good thing too, as I was having a hard time finding a spot in the basement that was not by a window, or not by a lot of sharp tools.

War Tomorow (11/18/08)

I'm living in a high rise appartment in NJ. Apparently world war has been scheduled for Monday, and it was midnight Saturday. Crap. You just know that nukes are going to hit NYC and NJ is close enough to become charcoal. I debate leaving. My dad thinks I'll be far enough away from NYC to not die butjust get some radiation. No thanks. I contemplate calling friends and getting out of town.


(((NOTE: This is a DREAM. This is a DREAM BLOG.)))

Trees suck. (11/15/08)

It's a stormy day. I wake up and go use the bathroom. Through the bathroom window I can see a tree with a large/long branch that has broken off of it. The branch reaches from the base of the tree to the bathroom window, which it has pierced. The rest of the window did not break, but a pinky-sized stick has popped a hole in the window. I hate wind storms.

I need my space, beotch. (11/06/08)

It was SnB day, and for whatever reason my shower was not working. I called up an SnB friend to see if I could shower at her house. She said yes. I go over there and she and her family leave the house so I'll have privacy in the kitchen shower (it's really cool too cuz I can set my shampoo and stuff on the table). Just before my shower I get a text from the BF asking me what I'm up to. I say I'm at this friend's house showering. So what does he do? He shows up at the house and walks into the kitchen. OMFG. Shower time is alone time! I yell at him and try to push him out of the kitchen. Plus I don't want my friend to come back into the house and see that I have my BF in the shower with me and make her think that I'm just a weirdo. Plus I don't want her little kid to see us and have to explain to him what is going on. I finally get the BF out the door and I give him directions to SnB where he can go wait for me if he wants to hang out. I walk back into the kitchen and scream because there are some guys in there. They just came home from something and were looking for the rest of thier family. I appologize for screaming and finish my shower.

Before I went to SnB I dropped by the grocery store. I find these tables set out with lazy susans and little eclair-looking pastries. There was a contest? Or a non-free tasting? IDK. I started turning the lazy susan to look for eclairs that I wanted. Passion Fruit? Sure. Ammaretto? Yes. Some weird bright blue thing? Okay. There were little sheets of paper there so you xcould write the prices down of what you picked out so they could be rung up at the registers. Yeah, some were more exopensive. I think the passion fruit one said $9, or it was a smudged $2. Who knows, they should not have written on the frosting. I try to be good about this and write my prices down, but I'm still so irked about the shower incident that a few of the eclair prices get away from me (yeah, at this point a ton of other people are around me and are spinning the lazy susan. It try to retrace what I took and get these prices but I find that the other ones like them have been taken and eaten already. Oh well. There arn't security cameras. No one can prove what I took. I pencil in what I assume the prices could be and I check out. I guess I won't be getting a giant cookie at the coffee shop tonight.

Guilt free! (11/02/08)

I get intimate with my bf.

Yarn and Bead Show! And Infidelity! (11/01/08)

Myself and a few others went to this bead and yarn show. It was a series of large tents with booths set up inside of them. Much of the yarn a bead show was not beads or yarn and was therefore not that interesting. I moved on. I got separated from my other people and I found this one booth with both beads and yarn. Sweet. There were these neat shawl pin things (Fibulas?) that were heavy duty and high quality cast sterling and they were only $4.99. Shit, the sterling alone should have cost more. I rifle through the box of them looking for the perfect one for my Mystery Stole 3. There was a flamingo one, it was cute but it was too pointy. It would either stab me or snag up the lace. Then I find a nice dolphin one. Cool. I used to really like dolphins. Why not? I buy the dolphin pin from the lady in the booth. As I reached for my purchase I realize that it was gone. Shit. Dreams suck like that. I see near me is a big bag of multi-colored seed beads that change color in sunlight. It was $10. I buy that too, apparently not learning my lesson. It also disappears along with half of her stock. Realizing that the only way this will work is if I meet her in real life, I tell her that Stitches East will be in Hartford CT in 2009, and that she really needs to be there.
I leave the yarn/bead show.

Sometime later I am getting intimate with a guy who is not my bf. The two of us were discussing my BF though, so that means it doesn't count, right?

Lesbians?!? (10/28/08)

I'm at my grandparent's house in TX for a birthday party for some little cousins of mine. They are twins, a boy and a girl. My grandparent's house is huge and awesome. It has one of the most complicated staircases in the world. To go to the second floor you have to go up one staircase, down another one, across this little walkway, down and then up again. It takes a while but it gives you a good workout.

At some point a relative takes me asside and says: "There has been some talk about you and lesbians. Do you know lesbians????"

"Certainly not! That would be scandalous!" I say.

That put everyone's mind at ease and we returned to the party. My little cousins were unwrapping thier gifts.

oopse! (10/27/08)

While pet sitting at this house with a dog I forget to feed the dog for a few days... and forget to let it out of it's crate. Damn! It probably needs to potty! As I let the dog out to the back yard I see this quail stuck in the enclosed porch. I try to reach through the bars to touch it and she tries to snap at me. Her mate, a pheasant, is waiting outside for her release. I ask the quail if I can touch her feathers, they are so pretty and green. She says it's ok. I touch the pretty green feathers.

A dream that makes sense (9/27/08)

IRL: I slept for much of the day on Saturday. I needed to do something with the dozen or so peaches that I picked the week before.

Dream: I could make the fold-over cookies with the peaches! That would be tasty and different. I would need to go to the store to get a package of cream cheese, but that's ok as I need to get a few things at the store anyways. The fold-over cookies do call for a jam filling, and I really don't feel like cooking down a bunch of peaches all night long... But if I did I could get some vanilla ice cream at the store to help use up and peach stuff that might be left over when the cookies are completed!

IRL: I did not make cookies. I made a peach upside down cake, and some peach muffins. I did get the vanilla ice cream to go with the cake though.

That internet friend (9/25/08)

For whatever random reason I have one of my former internet friends visiting. He's kindof a dick. Some huge party gets started here and the house gets trashed. My mom is all up in my grill yelling at me for the mess I made. While my mom is trying to get my attention the internet friend is also talking to me, and like an asshole, is not shutting up while my mom is talking. Dude, I'll get in trouble if I don't listen to what my mom issaying, STFU. I'm being yelled at for the pile of dirty dishes. I yell back that they are the mess that her cousin, who has been visiting now for a month, has made. He's such a slacker.

job interview! don't be late! (9/24/08)

While struggling to wake up before my bank teller job interview I had this dream:

I'm looking around for that big stack of resumes I printed out that day I went to the crappy job fair. I find them in a manilla envelope. Sweet. I take them out to inspect them and make sure they are the generic ones and not the specific ones.
"...to obtain an entry level Obstetrician/Gynecologist position..."
Yeah, those are the ones. That's just another way of saying Bank Teller too, right??

I wake up with barely enough time to get to my interview.

yuck. (9/22/08)

I'm having a grand old time being with my boyfriend and everything is peachy keen and romantic and then I realize that it's really my ex-boyfriend. Umm? (Yeah, I'm confussed too) ....I forgave him for cheating and lying and being just an asshole in general? And I'm happy with him? He sucks and is a loser. WTF.

Dreams are so stupid.

Weird Vacation? (9/15/08)

Emily, Sarah, Mark and myself were going to go to see a show before we traveled to Europe. The show was some sort of one-person play/stand up/concert thing. It was kinda lame.

Later on we find ourselves at a beach. The tsunamis was not as frequent on this day, which is good. I grew tired of the beach so I teleported to another place. There was some sort of annoying and violent redneck family squatting in this new place. They did not seem to like my intrusion so they had sent one of thier stolen pet lions after me. This particular lion was black and didn't have much in the way of neck fur. I flew up into the air, the lion reared up to get me, I was just out of it's reach. I ended the fight by jumping on the lion's neck and breaking it's spine. This just pissed off the rednecks and they were about to sic another stolen lion on me, but what they didn't know was that the cops were on thier way, and they had guns. The lions were shot. Thew rednecks and the police had a fierce gun battle so I teleported away. Unfortunately one of the gun-totting rednecks got teleported with me, and I soon found myself hiding behind a large pillar-like sculpture while the gunman looked for me. The people in the office building that owned the sculpture eventually called the cops to get the guy. I teleported to rejoin my friends at the beach.

From there we went to Europe, somewhere on the Hungary/Germany/France border. We were going to see a show there too. It was supposed to be the finest show in Hungary/Germany/France. Before the show we walked the streets of whatever city is on the border of H/G/F. It was full of crazy shops. That is always a good time. There was this riverboat or ferry ride that looked classy and cool so we decided we'd go for a ride on it. We get just to the front of the line, which is on a ramp that attatches to the boat, and the girl employee was like "We are full. We can't fit any more humans on the boat." Naturally I stepped over the rope and revealed that I was not human (I'm from space, and the future, and I can teleport and fly). She looked at me like I was high on crack. I offered to show her my tail, or my 4th stomach.

We got escorted off the boat ramp. Whatever. It was almost time for the show anyways. While lining up to get our seats we run into alot of germans also in line to see the show.
I say : The german accent is really hot.
Emily says: No, it sounds like garbage.
Oh snap.
We are seated and the show begins. It seems sort of familiar. The lady is lame, but is dressed totally different from that show we saw before we went to the beach that time. Then the lady makes some reference to the bag of tattoos she just got. Wait... that previous show also had a bag of tattoos. I stood up and asked her if that bag of tattoos was a large black garbage bag. She turned pale and realized that she'd been found out. She ran off the stage on tears. Nobody in the audience cared, because the play or whatever it was sucked. The german-accented people thanked me.

We left the theatre and it was dark out. Emily, Sarah and Mark were all holding hands and skipping down the sidewalk, sortof like that scene in Wizard of Oz. It was difficult for me to keep up on foot so I flew above them. As they approached the street I shrank them so it would be easier to cross the street. Being really small makes it easier to be seen by oncoming traffic, right? After screaming and running thier way across the busy european street they get to the other side of the road. I restore them to thier usual sizes. Somehow we are at Central Connecticut State University at dawn. Weird.

War (9/4/08)

I wake up today and there is a war going on in our yard (at the old house).
A tank and some army guys are in the garage and they are firing off rounds at the enemy from the driveway. You can see the tracers going off into the sky. I really have no idea who the enemy is, or why the war is in our yard. I wonder if I should bring refreshments to the army guys in the garage.

I'm asking my mom about the war when I start to see incoming tracers. I tell my mom I love her and then I go take cover on the back porch. At some point I decide to go out into the back yard. As I'm walking back around to the front yard I see a figure stand up from the garden. They are covered in dirt and twigs like they had just crawled her through the dirt and came up through the garden. The figure has a machine gun. I yell to the arm guys for help as I get shot (a lot). The army guys come over and catch the figure. Under all that dirt and stick camoflage is a grimey blonde woman with missing teeth. The enemy? The army guys beat her up but are careful not to kill her. They need info from her.

I wake up in a hospital. One of the comanding officers from the garage is there too. They replaced his blood with a high protien blue liquid. It was kinda cool.

Cat & Mouse (9/3/08)

I'm in the bathroom and I'm looking over at the window where cannibal (our black cat) is sitting. A black mouse runs out from the window and into the bathtub. It starts running around the walls of the shower like speedy gonzales. The cat reaches out and catches the mouse by it's tail then drops it into the toilet. I was so proud. I quickly shut the lid on the toilet and flush it. Naturally the toilet decides to overflow and I have to pick the toilet up and move it so I can sop up all the water.

Rhinebeck Massacre (9/2/08)

I'm on a bus going to Rhinebeck with a bunch of other people. At some point I decide that I want to drive myself there so I get in a car and continue on my way. A few other people came with me. Car trouble happens and we pull over to get some repairs done. There is this rednecky family that offers to help and they start by leaving the car outside and separating me and my friends. I'm made to wash dishes.

It occurs to me that they mean us harm so I get on the walkie-talkie to one of my friends and I tell her we are going to leave now. I went to look for her but never found her. It was too late anyhow. I had to leave the corpses and my car and make myself invisible. I flew above the trees (I also fly) and saw the psycho redneck family go outside looking for me with thier shotguns in hand.

Working From Home (8/23/08)

Monogramming is really busy right now. I'm in my bed room, using my bed as a desk, and customers are coming in and trying to get monogramming done. It's really annoying. I can't work like this. I shut down the register in my room and shut the door. People are still barging in looking to get stuff monogrammed. I eventually leave the room so I can go get some paper to make a sign to put on my door that says something like "Closed" or "Kindly GTFO". While I'm in the kitchen looking for a marker that isn't dried out I can see people walking down the hall way and peering into my room. It's rude as fuck.

Dangling Gut (08/22/08)

One day I am in the bathroom getting dressed and I see myself in the mirror. My tummy is all flabby, and is actually hanging down, in 2 lobes, kinda like saggy boobs. I am horrified. I am depressed. I resolve to stop eating at Burger King all the time.

Snake & Bake (8/9/08)

I'm over at Sarizona and SN Chalmer's apartment. I've been playing with Sarizona's snake, Guadalupe. A craving for fried clam strips hits me and I start baking some on a cookie sheet..... in the terrarium with the snake. That is how you bake stuff.

I'm all looking in through the the glass and getting upset because Guad is slithering over my clam strips. Snakes have alot of germs. How do Sarizona and SN Chalmers cook things with this constant interference????

Dolphins and stuff? (8/5/08)B

I'm at the beach with some people at dusk. We are chilling and stuff and someone points out a door that is floating in the water. The door is being puched around, and it turns out that there are dolphins doing it. Yay dolphins! It's like a free visit to Seaworld!. The dolphins decide to come see us on the beach so they slide up on the sand just where the waves end. I try to get a picture with my cell phone but they looked kinda angry and I was afraid they would attack me.

Hurricane House Sitting (8/5/08)A

Divinebird needs me to watch over shit at her house. She and her husband will be out of town again. Their new house is at the shore. A storm is rolling in. There are lots of people in her house. I guess she's having a going away party before she goes on vacation. The room we are all in is a room with lots of windows, and we can see the waves getting choppy outside.

Soon enough the waves are hitting the house anbd splashing over the windows. i'm flipping out. At a beach house is not where you should be in a hurricane, esp when the beach house seems to be right on the damn beach. DB assures me that this is ok. The waves won't get in, the windows will hold. The waves are shaking the house. This is not cool.

They better be paying me well.

Dethklok (8/4/08)

I find myself working with the fictional band Dethklok again. Now I'm like thier manager or something. We are on tour. In the hotel we are staying in I drop by on Cryozombie who is also in that hotel for some reason.

(I should really port my dreams on the day of, not several days later when I have forgotten)

A Spinning Dream? (07/06/08)

I'm shopping and then I find myself in the wool aisle. There are wooden shelf/bin things with 4oz braids of handpainted roving. These wern't like The Painted Sheep's rovings, these were better somehow. More of something. Spots? Yeah, some of the rovings were sortof heathered as well as dyed fancy colors. I kept picking them up, trying to decide which one to get. They were like $13-ish dollars and I already feel like I can't spin the stuff I have fast enough. I really don't need One let alone 2 or 3.

Evil Midget (07/03/08)

My sister's friend was spending a night at the house. She was in another room sitting on a chair. I figured she was doing something, or was shy, or whatever. I didn't care, I was knitting and watching TV in another room.

At some point the girl walks into the room I'm in, full of piss and vinegar, and demands that I shut off the TV and all the lights. No, I say. This girl is like 3 feet tall at best. An angry white trash doll. She takes the tv controller and walks away with it after shutting the tv off. I get up, pick her up, make fun of her short little baby fingers, and get the controller back. After I set her down she bolts and gets into the seat I was sitting in. I just pick her evil midget ass back up, make fun of it a bit more, then set her back down in another seat. She walks out of the room bitching all the way. Sister was back at that point and had witnessed much of this interaction. Apparently she was sick of this girl too now.

Flying Sucks (07/02/08)

I'm getting ready for a trip and I'm packing and it's taking a long time. I look at the clock and it's closing in on 2pm. Oh shit, isn't my flight at 1:30? Shit shit shit....

I wake up from that dream and realize it's still early. Cool. I get to the airport and realize that I forgot my Ipod ear-things. Crap. Well I can buy more @ the airport. Oh, but then I realize I forgot my Ipod too. It's on my bed, and it's not even charged. Oh well. I guess I'll be listening to engine sounds without a faint hint of music mixed in with them.

I get up to the bag check area and they ask to see ID and ticket. FUCK!! where is my ticket?!? I dig through my bags, all 3 of them, looking for my e-ticket print out. I find all sorts of other things, like mail order reciepts from LLB and Amazon, knitting patterns, blank sheets of paper.... etc...

I think the ticket guy got tired of me holding up the line and he just let me through. I really wanted to be like "NO! YOU CAN'T LET ME THROUGH!!! YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE SECURITY!!!" But I was just eager to catch my flight.

The Painted Sheep (06/21/08)

There was this house party I went to in Enfield. I made a wrong turn down a street but it happened to be right next to the house, so I parked on the side of the street.

At some point the party moved to another person's house and I got in my car and drove there. At that party I met up with Kris from The Painted Sheep and she gave me a job. Yay. It would be office work or something. $11/hr. I think this second party was at her house actually.

The party ends and I get my schedule for the upcoming week from her husband and I go to leave. I find my car, and I find that there is a slip of paper on it. A Ticket!!! Apparently it was wrong of me to park on that roadside in Enfield. 265 bucks wrong. I drive off and get lost in New Haven while I plot how I'm going to dispute this ticket. As I'm in New Haven I remember this other dream I had about New Haven a few weeks ago... where I got a job at Yale and the people were trying to kill me because I was awesome and could fly (I really did have this dream a few weeks ago).

Random Casino (06/19/08)

I'm with my mom and sister and we fly to IL somewhere to stay at a hotel/casino. I have no idea why. We were basically just going there for the day. I noticed that on the itinerary from the airlines that my ticket was booked separately and would be departing many hours after thiers would be. Neat. I get out my phone and leave the hotel room to make my call. It was right before bed and I'm wearing a night shirt and my purple bathrobe/duster. Whatever, it kinda looks like clothing. I walk out to the balcony (this floor had a balcony that looks down on the casino floor below. There is a snack bar and tables and chairs on this balcony) to make my call.

My phone is acting weird, and I can't find the name of the person i'm trying to call in the B's. I check a few other letters. Then I notice a prompt on my digital camera, that is alerting me that this person's black and white mini movie has been deleted because he was hving a fight with the director. Okay.... I'm glad I brought my digi cam onto the balcony. I keep trying to find him in my phone and 2 people run up and try to steal my phone. Whatever, I had a vice like grip on my phone ever since I left the room. I knew some jack asses would try and steal it. They scurry off.

I go up to a service desk and ask if there is a buisiness center where I can send an email. She says there is, but it's a $12 charge to use it. Eh. Not that important.
Then I see my friend on the tv screen. He tells me through it that he changed his name to something japanese begining with an O. It's a one-way message so I can't tell him that my phone is acting up and I'll need him to call me.

I look at my phone again and go through the O's. Now my phone is scrolling through names really fast and I can't read them. Shit. From what little I can read I am not seeing anything japanese.

Oh well, I guess I will be spending those extra hours in IL by myself.
DAMMIT.

Best School Project Ever! (06/16/08)A

SN Chalmers's school was having a big spinning demo. She invited me to drop by and participate. Sweet.
All the kids are in the cafe with thier ghetto cd/dowel/hook spindles waiting on thier fiber. I go down the hall to look for the fiber. As I'm walking down the hall, some gym teacher who I guess transfered to this school recognizes me and runs up to say hi. She wants to have me come back for some sort of thing. I forget. She does give me 1 silk hankie to spin. It is dark teal. Nice. I run back to the cafe since apparently fiber distribution is already taking place. I pass by what looks like a buffet line with piles of silk hankies in all sorts of colors laid out and kids all around it taking them. Cool.
I get to where I was sitting in the cafe and SN Chalmers choose a hankie for me since I wasn't there when the people handing them out when by. This one is the same dark teal color. I ask around to see if there are any extra hankies around. If there is one thing I have it's fiber greed. No, Im' told that the massive piles on the buffet table are gone, everyone got one. Oh well.

Dueling Devils (06/16/08)B

There was a movie preview that sister was telling me about. David Boreanas and The Rock were demons and stuff etc etc..
I go check it out.
They are just actors that look like David Boreanas and The Rock, but they are still fine to play devils.

I guess the plot of the movie was that these 2 demons were going to instigate some shit on earth in some large spooky house with a family. From what I could gather from the preview there was a diabolical scavenger hunt going on with magical keys being the prime target for the hunt. There was some romance that happens between the David Boreanas guy and the college student daughter of the family. Michael Landon was the dad of the family. There was a teenage son who was severely autistic, but this demon interaction makes him highly fnctioning towards the end. The demons also become good guys. IDK. I really wanted to see it.

I made a huge group of people see it. I'm enjoying the crap out of it and they were not. Oh well. There is a scene where the now-good demons are hanging out in a field with thier new friends the hostage family and the forces of evil are doing shit to the sky and the night sky is full of red blobs and balls of stinging hair are raining from it. One of my friends made some comment about 'Sky Herpes'. Yeah, that scene is cheesy, but you need to suspend your disbelief and stuff and STFU.

Job Search (6/08/08)

I am shopping at the supermarket when I hear my name being called over the loud speaker. Not just a coincidental same-first-name thing, but my full name. The speaker wants me to go to the guest services counter. I go there. They had my resume and were paging me, if I was still in the building (and I was), for an interview.

Ok.

I was handed this long ass several page application, which read more like one of those shitty survey deals that circulate on Myspace than an actual application. I think there were even those crazy word math problems on it too. It was confussing to me and I could barely read it (the part of your brain that reads does not work when you are dreaming or something. Go look it up). It was a thursday and it was getting late. I had agreed to meet MauraK before SnB for some dissertation stuff and it was closing in on that time. It was not clear whether I was going to get this job or not so I decided to leave and go meet with MauraK and the knitters.

I get to the center of town where we are going to meet up and there is a movie being shown. I see MauraK and she's got a bowl of some sort of rice(?). I have a seat to watch the movie and sitting next to me is that interviewing manager from the supermarket. He seems hurt and dissapointed to see me here rather than at the supermarket filling out that application. I rolled my eyes at him and listed for him all the reasons that he, the application, and that supermarket Suck.

(I dedicate this dream to all the interviewers who have interviewed me and rejected me.)

Power plant (6/2/08)

On the news there was some issue with the nuclear power plant off the shore of CT. It was steaming ominously. The officials said not to worry about it.

The next day Mom, sister and I were driving around. I decided to look out the window just in time to see a flash and then a dome of light and energy rising from the horizon. Oh shit! It's the power plant! It exploded! I asked them where we were. They said Amherst. Ok, phew, Amherst Mass I assume. No, Amherst CT, they say. Fuck! And that's like only 6 miles from the plant!

The shockwave gets to us and it's not so bad. For whatever reason we continue our stupid road trip around Amherst with frequent stops so we can get all the deadly radiation we can get.

Church Ladies (5/30/08)

I went to church against my will. My mom, grandmother, sister, great aunt, and aunt were there. It was upstate ny.
Church is not a place I go to.
It sucked hard.
HARD.
First there was that boring begining part. That was boring. Then we all had to crowd the front part (Pulpit? Stage? Front part?) like it's a concert. The pervert priest was behind me massaging my shoulders. I was trying to shrug him off and get him away from me. He wasn't taking the hint so I had to get loud and beligerent with him. Fuckhead.

There was a third part that was like the first part in that it was boring and it involved being bored in the pews. Mass ended at long last. People were filing out and new people were filing in for the next service. My grandmother, who passed on 12 years ago, needed some help getting out of the pews. I was told to go back in and get her.

Some new old ladies had already sat down in that pew, blocking in my grandmother. I kindly asked them to get up so I could get my grandmother out. One old lady accused me of wanting to get back into the pews to get a really good seat (i.e. like these ladies had) for the next service, the implecation being that I had been in the first service and liked it so much that I was going to stay to see it again.

"Shut the fuck up and move!" I say.

A lady in the pew behind this one says something like "Well listen to you, young lady! You cuss like you are from Arizona, or Connecticut!". It's like both an insult and a pseudo-intelligent conversation starter.

"You bet your ass I'm from CT!"

Meanwhile someone else from my entourage gets my grandmother out from the other end of the pew. I dismiss the old ladies with the hawaiian good luck gesture and go to leave.

My punk ass family left without me. The church was near some sort of naval yard. There were tanker ships full of milk pulling into port. Since I was trespassing somehow I told them I was an official. They left me alone after that. Then I broke something at the docks and one of the docks started bobbing into the water. I don't like water. I stumble away to higher ground. My mom is waiting there disapproving of my whole lie about being a milk official and stuff. Whatever. We go to the gift shop.

the end.

high school? (5/26/08)

I'm putzing around High School again, and not going to classes or doing any work. I'm just waiting for someone to call me on that so I can be like "Ha! I don't have to go to class, I graduated 12 years ago! Peace Bitches!".

In between classes that I'm not attending I went to visit Sarizona in her appartment.
A guy was there. He said he needed to go. I show Sarizona the school project I did anyways even though I don't have to. Pieces fall everywhere and she chides me and tries to get me to leave. I guess the guy is coming back over. They are a couple or something. I run into him as I leave.

Cats (5/25/08)

I'm on the couch and sister is in the reclining chair. She sees a cat fight starting up behind me. She tells me that Cannibal is puffing up and is getting ready to kick Spam's ass. I slowly turn my head to look and Cannibal is indeed inflated to about 4 feet wide now.

Dethklok (5/24/08)

I run into the animated metal band Dethklok. I'm some sort of producer/artist with awesome blue hair. I help them out with production/artistic stuff, date Nathan Explosion, and tell Toki that he's adorable.

Semi-Plant (5/20/08)

In an underground facility the government has weird experimental shit. Smart fish, old dudes with medication, Tuvok, and a Semi-plant. The semi-plant is sortof a plant but also sortof anthropomorphic and mobile.

These government experiments secretly work in a nearby underground mall. This is how they train them to be around normal humans without looking or acting like experimental freaks. The semi-plant worked at an ice cream shop. Tuvok would not tell her (not really female, but girl shaped) how much the ice cream was, so when customers came and asked for some it was a big hassle for everyone.

Sometime later the plant was chilling with the old dude and sharing his medication. The smart fish were there too, acting like fish in a tank. The plant gets the idea to stab the old dude, take his meds, and leave the facility. She does this and then threatens the fish to keep them quiet.

She goes to the mall to hide among the people. She looks enough like a person to not freak anyone out. The government is pissed. Thier old dude is dead and his medication is gone, the fish are acting dumb, and the semi-plant is escaped.

The plant hung out around the food court alot, looking for essential nutrients. The food court does not have those, but it does have fried stuff and cake. She moves on to the men's changing room. She walks in and heads to the last stall and starts making out with the guy in there. He thinks it's his lucky day, a hot chick raping him in the changing room.

An hour or so later the government is alerted to an incident at the mall involving this young man who is severely dehydrated and has weird puckered marks on his body. Clearly the semi-plant was there and has nearly drained him of all his moisture. They go searching for the plant now that they know where she is. She needs to be neutralized.

Through the crowd she sees them but they don't see her. She weaves in and out of the clothes racks and steals a shawl. The government guys don't want the plant to leave the mall and possibly be captured by a rival government. Undercover agents are posted outside the mall to get her as she leaves. She has a few close calls in the mall and decides to head toward the door. Shots are fired and she retreats to the mall. She finds the hidden entrance for supply trucks and she heads for that, hoping it is not guarded.

She confidently strolls out with the stolen shawl. As she enters the day light and turns the corner to begin her new life an undercover agent shoots her between the eyes. Just like in the movies, she has enough time to reach up and touch it, look surprised, and take a step before collapsing to the ground, dead. To bystanders it just looks like a random shooting. No one will ever know of the government facility, Tuvok, the smart fish, the old dude with medication, or the semi-plant.

Prince Caspian (5/18/08)

I'm on campus in the computer lab and a few comps down from me is Ben Barnes (prince caspian). He thinks he is hot shit. Chicks can't get enough of his hot self.
(it's like an entire dream of him telling me how kick ass he is)

Buisiness Trip? (5/16/08)

I end up around suburban Chicago for buisiness. In my hotel I run into a guy I went to high school with. I was just about to run out for some dinner and I invited the guy along. I kinda wanted a burger. I decided I would call Cryozombie to ask about where I might find a good burger place. My hotel room is a buisness room, and it has many tables and wall outlets and phones and junk in it. I go to use a phone to call him and I pull his number up on my cell phone. 847 555 01... The last two digits are cut off. Damn. I guess I will have to find my own burger place.

Star Trek: Voyager (5/15/08)

The episode begins with the crew attending a party in this massive ball room. The alien spiecies seems really friendly. They are about 12" shorter than most humans and they are not really easy on the eyes, so it's a really good thing that they are nice. They are space rednecks.

They are really pressuring thier Starfleet visitors to try the cake. It is vaguely cake shaped, but it looks kinda weird, like it was made with atypical cake ingredients, or is vegan or something. It smells weird too. No one wants it. I take a piece but pick at it. It's bad.

The aliens reveal thier crazy ass plot, which is to capture the visiting crew members and eat them. There are no animals on thier world except for them. Everything is plants. My crew mates transport off out of the ball room. I fly away (I can fly).

We all think the episode is over until 3 (2 adult brothers and one tweener son) of the aliens transport aboard the ship to get us. Fortunately for us water is like sulphuric acid to them, and we have vast supplies of water and water guns. They come down the hallway, we make a stand and blast them with water. It has an effect, but they scream, shrug it off, and continue to advance. Lucky for me I can be invisble. The aliens will pop into a room looking for crew and I can ambush them. I got the kid really good. He's on the floor whining like a little bitch about his horrible chemical burns and his dad is all like "Why did you do that? He's only a kid?". I shoot him with water too. Bitches.

We kick the aliens back to thier ballroom. It breaks the ballroom. Apparently thier planet is a lush rain forest and the ballrooms are like giant hovering wooden crates (those fucking rednecks). In the forest there is another alien species that is way less redneck but still after a sentient source of meat. The ballrooms crashing to the ground will provide them with rednecky aliens to conquer and eat.

This weird mission is complete, and Voyager aims for earth and continues it's voyage.

Hungry Much?? (5/8/08)

I had a bag of KFC chicken. I was supposed to stick it in the freezer for later. I ended up eating like 3 drumsticks before I stuck it in the freezer. What? It'll probably be me who finishes the rest of it later anyways.

Sister, Dad and I were hanging out in some shopping area and we decided to go to a mall. It was right about 9pm, closing time, and every store had the grate down over the door.

A kiosk in the middle of the mall was not completely shut down yet. It was a dipping sauce kiosk (you know how salsa dealerships have jars open with a dish of pretzels nearby?). On the counter was a bowl of pretzel sticks and next to that was a bowl of white chocolate-caramel sauce. I ran up to it and tried some. It was good. As my fam came over a new blob of sauce dripped down from the ceiling. This is where it is dispensed. Weird. The kiosk girl shuts the ceiling dispenser off and closes the rest of the kiosk.

Food places in the mall are still open though, and I was running ahead looking for a Long John Silvers. I've never been to this mall, it's possible. IDK. I couldn't find one. So I went looking for the airport (in my dreams all malls have airports and schools attatched). I'm told that this mall does not have one, which also means that I won't have a hotel reservation there in the mall either.

Bake Sale!!! (5/5/08)

(I really miss bake sales)

I come out of my boring ass college class room and head towards my next class. Out of the corner of my eye I see cupcakes on a table. I reverse course ASAP. A Bake Sale!!!! Yay!!!

I choose a really good looking cupcake first. This guy I went to high school with recommends a particular cookie so I get a few of those. I see some red velvet mint squares and I get one of those because that is a weird combo. A few other things go into my paper bag before I decide that I really need to get to my next class (though if I don't get there before it starts I'll just go find some corner to chill in with my bag of goods [you know, and cut class completely. Fuck school]). Plus, I've totally forgotten what classroom this next class is in, I just know it's position relative to the hallway, and if I don't approach it from that hallway I will be lost.

I end up getting lost anyhow. I took some random road around the campus and had to cross the entire thing to get to that building. As I am cutting through the grounds I come to a gathering of people celebrating something. One of the LLB managerlings is there and it's her adopted sister who is being honored for something. Weird. Ok. I get to my class, which is now spread out in an open air but carpetted hallway. The professor, who is also this managerling, is reading some short stories. Then she tells us to write one. It can be fiction or non-fiction. I have no idea what to write so I get out a cookie and think about it. I get crumbs all over myself (these damn boobs) so I shake them onto the floor. It's open to the outside, some animal will come in later and lick them up off the floor. Whatever.

Class ends and I get on a bus to Vegas. We get there and the bus parks, but the place we were going wasn't ready for us yet. Someone there sends along a platter of caramel-drizzled brownies for us. I took it upon myself to walk the platter down the bus to serve everyone. This way I can snag several as my payment for helping out. Most people on the bus take one, a few are taking two (like me), and still others are loading thier hands up. I run out before I get to the last half of the bus. Oopse sorry.

The OkCupid town (5/3/08)

I and some random guy-friends were doing something. One of the guys was all concerned that he would lose custody of his kid, and child services was coming to inspect the living conditoions today, and something was wrong with this guy's body. Not like fatness, or illness, but like we sharpied obscenities all over him or something, and that is not conduicive to raising a small child. I came up with the idea of baking cookies (to show how he treats the kid good) and having the guy get into some Barney suit to cover all the pen marks (to show how he's a good dad or something). Someone gets dishwasher detergent granules into the cookies and there is much drama over it from me (WTF dudes?!?) but then I had a brownie mix and I told them to go make that. The child service person was pleased and the guy got to keep his kid.

Another of the guys was really impressed with how I handled this situation and with how wise I am and he embraced me. I could feel it in my gut (and against my thigh) that he really liked me. He even said so. We were going to get together later and like get together.

Later comes and he blows me off. Whatever. I see it in his OKCupid profile that I have been put on the back burner and stuff. Ass. I unfriend him and go out. People around town are coming up to me with thier phone numbers and propositions, especially the swinger couples and the lesbians. Clearly my profile has been tampered with. Eh. At least I'm popular and people are trying to hook up with me. I see that guy while I'm out and he totally breezes past me like I'm not there.

High School Reuinion w/Pringles (5/1/08)

I went to my high school reunion. It was dumb. There was cake with a bowl of extra frosting to put on it, that was pretty cool. People were giving me dirty looks when I kept serving myself cake. Fuck them, I'm a grown up, I'll do what I want. The feature that everyone was looking forward to though was the unveiling of like 50 new gourmet flavors of Pringles.

Cakes (4/29/08)C

I baked a cake because I felt like it. I like cakes. I took it to the kitchen (apparently I did not bake it in the kitchen) so I could put it in the cake keeper. I find the top of the cake keeper but I can't find the bottom. Oh, there is the bottom, it is under another cake. This other cake is shaped like a cat. It is fairly detailed. I guess the top of the keeper wasn't on it because the cat cake stuck out past the bottom of the keeper. This cake was being taken somewhere, and since we don't have big cake boxes in the house it had to be slid into a plastic bag. The ears broke off.

More Driving in TX (4/29/08)B

In a minibus we are all piled in. Dad is driving, and alot of other relatives are in the back. I'm kinda dozing off a few seats from the front. The dusty country roads are all winding and change elevation alot. It had rained alot recently too so some areas were soggier than I would like. Dad just powered through them in the way that you are not supposed to do. This is how people stall out then get swept away and drown.

Of course we come to this stretch of road where there is now a lake of unknown depth covering it. Dad tries to power through it and gets maybe 30 feet in before we stall out and start taking in water. I can feel it sloshing in around me in my seat.

Somehow we manage to back out of the lake and get back on the dusty road and we head back the way we came, hoping to find a detour.

Texas Road Trip with "Dom" (4/29/08)A

That guy from work that I can't stand, (we'll call him DOM) needed to go get some thing at a store. He asked if I wanted to go. I'm always up for a trip to a store, even if it is with mortal enemies.

He drives for hours top get to this store and soon we are in Texas of all places. Oh yeah, Dom was real gropey all the way there too. Never was an opportunity missed for a grope.

We meet up with my dad and sister at some point and we all get a suite at some hotel. Dom keeps rubbing into me while i'm trying to sleep. I hate that guy. I'm never driving anywhere with him ever again.

Seven Days (4/28/08)

(yeah, like that TV show)

Something (unknown to me) happens and a backstep is ordered to correct it. Frank backsteps and does not contact his people at the NSA. They panic and send Olga, of all people, to find him. She backsteps too.

There is a room. I am stretched out on the floor on my tummy reading something. Olga finds herself in the room as well, also reading something, and she's not sure how she got there. A few minutes of her confussed silence later I ask her why she backstepped. 'Oh snap!' she must be thinking. Someone knows about this top secret NSA project. She goes to call the NSA people but finds that she can't because she's not 7 days in the past, she's somewhere in the future (and probably outer space. I am green and not human and awesome!). She puts 2 and 2 together and figures out that I took Frank and have done something with him. She brutally attacks me with knives. I avoid the attack with alien-ninja-like precision. I'm so cool!

I assure her that Frank is fine. He's recovering in some recovery tank. Backstepping damages your stuff. Makes you crazy and incomplete. She still wants to kick my ass. I continue to explain that backstepping is none of thier buisiness. Stuff happens all the time, who is the NSA to decide which events need to be fixed?

I go show her Frank, who is chilling in a healing pool of slime or something. Olga is relieved. I pack them back into the time ship thing and send them home to thier proper time period.

running late (4/27/08)

I look at my clock and it says 10am-ish. That is the time that I wanted to get up. I blink and suddenly it's 15 mins till noon. I'm supposed to meet Jenny at her place so we can go to NoHo to see the Yarn Harlot at 12:30!!! Crap. I am running around looking for the pieces to my outfit. The shirt I want is down stairs. I go get it then come back up. Then I realize that the socks I want are also down stairs. With all the running around I'm losing time, and Im' a slow getting-ready person.

crazy new spindle (4/26/08)B

I had this crazy new spindle. It had a base sortof like my turkish spindle (a wooden cross sort of thing), but it had no shaft. There was an elbow noodle shaped metal thing that was the 'top' of it. That is where I would hold onto it. From there 2 strands would dangle from it through the holes in the noodle and they would go through a bolo slide shaped thing. From there the strand would be wound up on the wooden cross. I can't tell you how it is supposed to work. It apparently did, and I had it because it was weird and no one else had one. The people standing around outside the yarnshop/railroad car looked like they wanted to steal it from me.

Secret Agent Man (4/26/08)

My sister and I are staying at this fancy hotel. I catch her skating around in a ballroom late one night. I join her. Security comes around and asks us to go back to our rooms. Reluctantly we do. We get back to the rooms and moments later someone is knocking on her door looking for me. We look through the peep hole at him. He's kinda cute. He gives up after a minute and goes to knock on my door just a few feet away (our rooms are connected). When I don't open after a minute or so he says he's going to check a few doors down for another guest also named Melissa. He starts whistling and it gets fainter as he walks away, except he wasn't walking away, he was trying to fake us out. He was still there ducked down a bit so I couldn't see him fully in the peep hole.

I have no clue why this secret agent wants to find me. All I can figure is that he wants to date me or something, because he called work and asked them if we, him and I, could do a special clothing project where we have to be naked together. Work said yes, which is stupid, and really none of thier buisiness.

I don't commit to anything with this guy and I go fishing for tuna. The tuna are caught in scoops on this boat rather than with nets. Occasionally other shit gets picked up in the scoops, like scarks and alligators. Sometimes the scoops close and cut those in half. It's really gross. One of the scoop loads comes up with a deep sea diver that just happens to be that secret agent guy wondering about that clothing project.

(I miss having a fan club)

David Brin (4/25/08)

One of my favorite authors, David Brin, had a guest appearance on some random cartoon on Adult Swim. That was cool.
The next day I go to my class and David Brin is totally there too. His hair was red. The class ended up talking about sci fi all day instead of whatever that class is about. I was comparing Babylon 5 to Star Trek.

Hydrophobia (4/21/08)

(I do not like flood water)

Myself and some people go out joyriding and they want to go off road. It's been raining alot and there is flooding conditions on these shitty back roads. I see the water and I want to barf. It's all over the road. I don't care if it is an inch deep or 5 feet deep, the river owns it now and I don't want to drive through it.

Random scene change, I'm at a house (not mine) and from every window around the house I can see flood waters rising all around. It's like my own personal dooky-water hell.

A hot guy across the street? (4/20/08)

Myself and some people are in the audience at this Extreme Makeover show. At some point the producers or whatever come out into the audience and pick out people to give makeovers to. I got choosen. No big deal, alot of people also did. They were going to do all this stuff for me then I'd be able to be on tv looking all awesome and made over and shit. The makeovers before me ran long and I didn't get on tv but they did get me a makeover anyways.

Afterwards I went to a store and there is this really aggravating sales clerk. I guess he's trying to be helpful, but that usually is really annoying to me when I am shopping. I make note of his nerdy cuteness and leave the store.

A few days later I'm changing in my bedroom and the curtains are open and I can see across the street (this is in the old house). I see the sales clerk dude across the street. At his house. He sees me, he probably just saw me changing, and he waves.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force (4/19/08)B

I'm on a long ass flight to somewhere. I'm on the left side of the plane in the B seat. Some guys are in the A (window) and C (aisle) seats. In the row ahead of me is Demi Moore. She turns around in her seat and asks if she can open my shirt. Um, Ok....? She uses this weird razor blade contraption on the end of her fingernail to slice through my shirt. It not slashed off, it's just more of a v-neck now. It seemed dumb. Then she fucking slashes at my exposed skin. How did she even board the plane with a razor?

I start getting away and she starts slashing at random passengers and yet the only person who seems to mind this is me. There is a struggle and my arms get all slashed up but I do manage to knock her out. I demand an emergency landing.

I need alot of stitches.

The passengers were gathered together afterwards for a debreifing of sorts. The gangster dudes who sat down near me were angry and sympathetic about my wounds but other than that no one seemed to care. I knew Demi was lurking in that crowd of passengers to finish the job.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force cared. I got them to hide me and also I made out with Master Shake (WTF??). When 4-story-tall Demi came to get me I was hidden in an invisiblity force field bathtub. She destroyed the house but I wasn't anywhere to be found.
She's such a bitch.

space leech (4/19/08)A

I had done something to offend someone on another planet. For this infraction I was assigned this mechanical device that was sortof leech shaped. It had to go with me everywhere I went, and it could at any time explode and kill me. That was my punishment. Someone developed a translation machine for the leech and if it was placed nearby We would know what it is the leech wanted. A lot of time had passed already and I hadn't been executed, we were all wondering why.

Another year or two passes and the leech reveals that it likes me, or at least the guy on the other planet who operates this leech likes me. He wouldn't mind following me around for many more years. So romantic (???). I asked him if I was ever going to meet him in person. Just then he transports in, dressed in goofy ass Shakespearean garb. We live happily ever after, for the next 6 years anyways. After that he was recalled to his planet.

Pictures of hot guys (4/18/08)

I was at some sort of town event and I had taken some pictures with my digicam of hot guys. Later that night my friend from across the street came over to see them. We also watched a buddy cop movie. We had to keep our voices down becase my parents were sleeping in the next room. Sometime after the sun came up she scurried across the street again.

I left for school and decided that I was going to update my address book. To do this I would need addresses and an address book. I decided to check at the random things shop at the mall attatched to school. Outside of the shop they had some sort of booth set up with a large planter that had a bush growing in it. The bush had black cherry looking things growing in it, and a sign encouraged you to try them. I skipped that and went into the store. They didn't have any address books, just shitty windchime and incense things. I walked past the cherry bush on my way out and I decided to try one. It was really good. I tried a few more. There was a kiosk set up nearby of candy products made from these cherries as well as just picked ones and dried oyt ones. The dried ones looked like large chili peppers. The candy was sold by the lb and I figured I could pic out a few things and then make it to class with enough time to look at those hot guy pics in my email.

Many of the candy choices were jawbreakers that were shaped like fun things like penguins, humpbacked whales, and starfish. I looked at all of them but nothing was really calling to me until I saw the chocolate covered ones. I got a few of the dark and the white, and then I took a few of the spicey and the asian style. It looked like some sort of shumai dumpling thing. I got in line to pay.

spinning? (4/17/08)

(IRL the night before I was plying some yarn I had spun and it was tangling all over the place. I went to go put the finished yarn into a hank [a long twisty skien] and it tangled more. Some of the colors may have faded when I washed it too, I'm not sure. Probably not, I probably just looked at it differently after all the trouble it caused.)

In my dream I am spinning this purple wool and this orange wool that I bought in December. They are going to go together. It's not as gross as it sounds. My spinning was coming out all patchy and lumpy and bad. The orange parts were fuzzed up and poorly done. It was a waste of wool.

snake tacs (4/16/08)

I had a little tic tac container full of baby snakes. I poured them out so I could look at them better. When I went to put them back into the container they would not fit. They grew since I let them out. I had to scramble to find new containers for them.

Tim & Eric Raping Show, Great Job! (4/14/08)

I'm at a hotel. I'm staying in room 233. Tim and Eric (from such adult swim shows as Tim & Eric Awesome Show and Tom Goes to the Mayor) are somewhere down the hall. They see me and start stalking down the hallway, howling and gesticulating in thier usual creepy Tim & Eric style.
I get dragged into thier room for some mostly unwilling 3 way sex. They are so nast.

I ended up sleeping for a long tme today. At some point I decide to get up and my lamp won't turn on. I can barely see. Dinner is on the counter and I need to heat it up but I can't see anything in the kitchen in order to do that. I'm freaking out.
Then I remember to open my eyes, and that my lamp works just fine if I actually turn it on instead of dreaming about it.

Reeses (4/13/08)

In my bedroom I had crate upon crate of Reeses product. Some of the products were limited editions like dark chocolate pb cups, and pb cups with chocolate covered pierogi chips embedded in the top. I loved them all. Then I went and composed an email to the people who make reeses to tell them which flavors are good and which ones were bad. On my bad list are the reverse pb cup (you know, the one that was chocolate in a pb flavored shell, it actually did exist outside of my dream) and the white chocolate pb cup.

Angel with the 11" penis (4/11/08)

We begin this story in the dining room of the old house. I see a cat under the table. It is fat. It is a tabby with black, red, purple, and blue stripes. Neat. How did it get in the house? Maybe it squeezed through this little opening in the sliding door? Someone must be missing thier fat technicolor tabby. I call our vet to ask if anyone knows anything.

Random scene change to a big ass warehouse type place with obstacles for cats to hide behind. People are all over the place trying to catch them so they can adopt them. I work at this warehouse as a cat capturer. I come walking in with my arms full of like 6 kittens all ROYGBV (Fuck Indigo!) and shit and the people snatch them up. Novelty kittens are a hot seller.

Another random scene change and I'm in a board room with my dad and a bunch of japanese buisiness men. Some sort of buisiness deal is arranged (for kittens?) and we all file out into the parking lot to leave. They all pile into the car and with 3 people up front and 4 in the back there really is no room for me. I'm told they will be back after they drop some people off. Ok. I go roll around in the grass.

An overweight homeless woman wanders up to me and asks if I have any money. I give her $34, 6 Dr. Scholls shoe inserts, and some bandaids....Because I am an angel and that's what angels do. The music changes, and I looked at my watch and the movie (which is what this was...?) was almost over. The woman was so pleased with the gift that she parades her 3 small children out and her little boy shoots me. I start to die. The woman pushes her kids into the warehouse so my murderer will be easy to catch and she won't be investigated, and she runs her ass off with the $34.

Since I'm an angel I do a fancy time travel thing to go back to just minutes before she gets there. I arm myself with 2 machine guns (one for each hand), an invisble bullet proof suit from the future, and an 11" penis. I assume this is when I aquired one because I didn't have one before, and if I'm going to have one at all it better be a showstopper.

The homeless woman shows up asking for money and I whip out my machine guns and go after her. Damn! She also has invisble armor! I keep shooting anyways hoping there will be a hole in the armor. Then I see her kids and I start aiming at those little fuckers. The homeless woman sees the error of her ways and she takes her kids and leaves. Sweet. End Credits.

A preview is shown for the sequel to this movie, "The underage prostitute and the angel with the 11" penis". LOL! It won't do so well in most theaters.

Magic Tank Top (8/28/2007) [old but good]

SO I was having this weird dream this morning, it was about a really nice tank top. (The blue areas are links to paintings)

I got it at some trendy store and it was the perfect tank top because it supported the stuff that needed to be supported and slimmed the areas that needed slimming. It was a red color that was kinda swirly and it was a thin fabric. It also had spagetti straps and could only be worn once before it would fall apart.

I was going to wear it to a convention that was going to be happening in Hartford that weekend. Cryozombie was going to be flying in to attend that convention, so was his best buddy, Michael Chiklis (you know, from 'The Shield'). I was going to go hang out with them.

My friends who were also going to the convention left earlier than I did, so I was going to be going there by myself. I loaded up the rainbow duffle bag with a few changes of clothing and toiletries so I could stay in the nearby hotel for a while. Packing for a weekend took hours.

I finally get to the convention late, and I missed the opening speaker, also Michael Chiklis, but that was ok. I located my friends. They were wearing costumes. MyDigitalis was dressed like Jason (the psycho killer), Sarizona was dressed like a princess in blue gowns, and SkullX was dressed like a pile of duffle bags. Hahaha what a loser! I left them after a bit to go try and call Cryozombie and to book myself a hotel room.

In the lobby of the hotel I ran across Karin, whom I work with at LLB. I said Hi and continued on as planned. As I am making the phone calls I look down to see that my rainbow duffle bag is gone, there is some non-mine duffle bag in it's place, and Karin is sneaking off with my duffle bag. I go get it back and scold her. This happens a few times more. The duffle bag isn't that great. My tank top is starting to disintegrate, so by now I have the straps tied in knots.

I can't seem to get ahold of Cryozombie, I guess it's because He doesn't have a cell phone.

Shortly after that I wake up and remember I have to go to work, so I get up to do that.

I said that airports were the stuff of nightmares... (4/8/08)

I'm traveling again, through O'Hare, and my flight is cancelled. Naturally. There's like 1/2 inch of snow on the ground, and ice on the trees, and it's a little windy out. The whole airport is flipping out and shutting down. I choose a security guard to be the sidekick of (i.e. I followed him around because he looked like he could protect me). Some dude started flipping out about something and he totally kicked his ass. That was pretty cool.

Some TSA lady was going to go out into the class 9 death storm outside to bring in some food. She was taking orders from the people in the terminal. I'm all like "Put me down for a cheeseburger. By "CHEESEBURGER" I mean that I want Cheese and a Burger inside a Bun. No condiments!!". Really though, I don't know what sort of burger joint would be open out there. It was like The Day After Tomorow and stuff with all that 1/2 inch of snow on everything.

The Spiders and the Bees & Texas Road Trip (4/6/08)

I'm in my room in the old house eating the corners off a square cake. It can't fit under the round cake keeper until I do this, and I can't hide it in my room without a cover. There are bees and spiders in my room. One really huge bee was flying around and it landed on my wall near a spider that was in my window. The bee tripped some sort of web line and got stuck, and the spider jumped on it and started munching the hell out of it. Bee parts were flying everywhere. When the spider was done, it felt guilty about it, and hid the evidence of the dried out bee husk on my bed, and then it crawled into the radiator to hide.

@@@@@

Later on in my room in the old house (CT) I was using Sarizona's laptop computer, which I borowed to use in my old room. I hear my cat Sneakers in the hall way growling at something. Another cat probably. I go to open my door to let her in, and someone kicks her into my door. WTF? Some random cousin is in the hall kicking my cat? Bitch. I go use the laptop to blog about it while eating cake corners. Why are there even random cousins in the old house?

Later on Dad gets us (dad, mom, sister, myself, 2 random evil cousins, some dude, ..etc) all into the car to go to Arlen TX, which apparently isn't just a made up town in King Of The Hill. It has a museum in it. The car is so loaded down with luggage and people and is sortof cone shaped now. Evidently I was in a hurry and I only packed the computer. I had only the clothes I was wearing, which was a large tee shirt/pajama shirt with no underwear. Oopse.

I'm there in the car with Sarizona's laptop on my lap and I'm trying to get the touch screen to work. What a piece of shit it is, with it's non-working touch screen and it's big round heavy monitor. A random evil cousin, in a rare moment of friendliness, started talking to me about Churches Chicken, and asked what kind of service the comp got on this huge snow covered mountain in the middle of nowhere. Bad service, it turns out, I was using up Sarizona's free minutes like crazy, so I shut it off and stowed it.

Yeah, so there is this huge mountain we are driving across. It is covered with snow and ice, the roads are narrow and poorly marked, some of the roads go through people's bedrooms (and you can see thier socked feet sticking out from the covers), and there are strange UFO things in the sky (Marfa lights??). It wasn't fun. We get off the mountain and enter Arlen right at dawn. Yay? We park at the museum and as we are getting out of the car a random evil cousin pushes me. Okay...

The museum is dumb. I ask to go back to the car to make sure Sarizona's computer is hidden properly. It is huge and retarded with it's big ass round monitor and non-functioning touch screen. Also I wanted to get away from the cousins so I could talk about them to my parents. Problem is I wasn't to sure what they looked like so I have to be careful that nobody is around when I'm talking about them. This is imposible to do as Arlen Museum is a real happening place in the early morning hours.

The past? (4/4/08)

I and like all of my relatives on my mom's side were at my maternal grandmother's house. My grandmother was there too. The relatives were all making plans for the future and were saying something about getting together with her (grandmother) in 1998. I piped in that she wasn't going to be alive in 1998. This was big no-no. I regretted saying it as soon as I said it. My grandmother complimented me for being honest about it. There was something about the table, but I forget what that was about.

Revenge? (4/3/08)

My people (the ones from the future and outer space) were here to help me take revenge on people. They accompanied me to that place that I almost don't work at anymore and a random assortment of people were abducted. They were taken to this torture gymnasium for such activies as being shot at by people with bad aim, and the 'airplane', which was actually a device that stretches you out until you die. Gruesome. The mafia was there, also shooting with poor aim. They got sent to the airplane. There was cute guy there who also wanted to go to the airplane, but I told him it was a bad idea, and I left him and his girlfriend go free.

VIP: Very Impressionable Penis (4/2/08)

I was hanging out with a guy friend at an Adult Book and Novelty Store. We went up to the register and the manager was all like "Mr. X, so good to see you again. The usual?" and he gets out this mold thing with the impression of a penis in it, my friend's penis apparently, and asks me if I want a copy. Not a copy of the mold, mind you, but a 3D lifelike representation of it in a translucent rubber.

Weird. Awesome, but weird.

Bigfoot (3/28/08)

I was hanging out with a friend when bigfoot abducted me. My friend ended up getting his neck broken by bigfoot. Bigfoot is an asshole. I am taken to his house and put in a cage that is poorly made (probably by bigfoot). In a neighboring cage is a teenage girl. She asks me my name. I tell her my name is Tal. She says it sounds like it's from the future. She is half right, it is from the future, and also from outer space, because that is where I am from. I don't tell her this of course, I just shrug and smile. There are also in the room with us a caged preteen boy, and a caged woman of about my age.

Bigfoot returns to us wearing a tie and what looks like a buisiness suit that ripped apart when he tried to put it on. Weird. It is communicated to us that we are to fill certain roles in this house. I'm the wife, the teens are our children, the other woman is the maid. Also weird. With my cool futuristic outerspace powers I learn that this big foot used to be a man with a wife and 2 kids and a maid, but they all died mysteriously from broken necks, except for him, he was the victim of an experiment gone wrong. While helping the new maid clear off the table for dinner we discover the old maid's severed head. We probably needed to get out of there before we ended up the same way.

While dinner was being made I invisibly teleported to a neighboring house to telepathicly communicate to the owner that we needed like a lot of police and maybe some navy seals next door.

I return to bigfoot's house for dinner. I'm really hoping the cops get there before I have to preform any wifely duties with this guy. The teens are starting to freak out. The maid is already conspicuously absent. The doorbell rings and the man of the house, bigfoot, goes to answer it. It's all our neighbors coming over to say hi. Bigfoot tries to be a good host despite the fact that dinner is being interupted and stuff. The neighbors gather around him and stab him. He goes to the floor and dies. We are free.

Mmm imposible food combos... (3/23/2008)

I was hungry (I really was, I did not have a formal lunch or dinner all Good Saturday) so I went and got out 2 big cookie sheets and preheated the oven and then tried to figure out on what rack the Ann’s Pizza would go and on what rack the Churches Chicken would go.

Sigh.

If only such scenarios were possible.

Disturbing Dream (March 21, 2008)

Ok, so maybe it won't be as disturbing once I get it written down.

Starts out early in the morning, still dark, as I walk to the bus stop to go to school. I get about half way there and remember that I'm a grown up, have a car, and would rather take the car to school. Plus then, since I'm a grown up and don't have to go to school, I can do stuff thats really, well Partially out of character for me, and call some guys and then hang out with whichever one calls me back. Sounded like a plan.

As these Adult High School dreams tend to go, I walk up to the school all angsty that I have to go, then realize that I'm all graduated and shit and don't have to do anything. I'm all like "I don't need to be here! I Graduated already, see! I'll go in through the out door if I want!" And I do, because I'm an adult. What are they gonna do? Suspend me? From what? My nipples? Whatever.

I'm walking down the halls getting ready to leave the school, since I am not currently attending it, and I hear my name spoken softly. I look around and see 2 gentlemen on the bench near the wall. One of the men is in a wheelchair and has a too-small quilt draped over what I can only imagine are his horribly damaged legs. He is the one who called to me, and he is smiling. I know these guys. I went to school with them. (Yeah, so for our purposes today I'm calling them not by thier IRL names) Dr M, the gent in the wheelchair, expressed his surprise and happiness that we crossed paths today, totally unexpected. He had some questions for me and they were all written messily on a yellow lined sheet of paper. Full name (I had to cross out the fully wrong name he had started to write for me), phone numbers, fav color, goals in life, other personal junk... Somewhere on the pad there was a scribbling that gave me the impression that he was really hoping to find me again. Romantically? IDK. To not shut any doors there, I left my email address on the sheet, big and obvious. We could maybe hang out later instead of be at school.

Dr M and his quieter companion Dr K had more buisiness for me but needed to discuss some stuff first, so I made my way down to the mall section of the High School (In my dreams High Schools are generally connected to Malls and Airports) to run an errand. I found some green beads that were low quality and over priced but they reminded me of the color quilt that Dr M had. Aww, I'm already obsessing over him.

I return to them like 20 mins later and Dr K has a buisiness proposition for me. Since I'm this big computer software mogul (?) or what not, would I mind terribly looking at these programs that they had with them. I was handed a cd keeper with all the disks in it. I began copying the programs to my computer, which I had obviously brought with me for just such a purpose, and all of them seemed kinda normal until I got to the weird disks. These disks had pictures and bar codes on both sides (i.e. not just on the top where the name of the stuff might be) and could only be uploaded by holding it up to the computer and letting the info transfer through the compter screen. Dr M didn't seem too happy about this part of the procedure. Actually, I was getting a Ringu kinda vibe from this weird upload method. I get through 2 of the double sided disks before Dr M leaps from his wheelchair, grabs the next 3 double sided disks, and runs like hell away from me. WTF? His legs work? I chase after his lying crippled ass.

Through one of the stairwell windows I can see him on the top of the stairs outside. Then he jumps. Shit! I go running outside to find him completely broken at the bottom of the stairs surrounded by blood. I run to him and there is really nothing that earthly medicine can do for him now but I tell a nearby priest to call for an ambulance. I kneel over him and I ask him why he did this. He replies that he could not let him (Dr K) do that to me, that I absolutely must not see the programs on those disks, and at least I'll be the last thing he sees. He dies. I back away in horror. The 3 disks he ran off with are nowhere to be found. As the ambulance crew approaches I instruct them to keep an eye out for 3 strange looking CDs and to hold them for me if they found them, but NOT to run them. They look at me like I have 3 asses. Whatever, I'm an adult.

I go back to the bench where Dr K was to tell him the sad news about his associate and also to destroy the disks and my computer. I make a big show of it too, walking up with the first 2 disks and breaking them in his face. His questionably evil plot was foiled. Next time he shouldn't use guys who are in love with me to try and hurt me. Dumb ass. I leave the shattered remains of my computer on the floor and I return to the mall to get a few things (maybe a new computer?). I'm going up and down the aisles looking for something and Dr K turns up. He's pissed of course. He asks me if I know what I have done. I really don't, I'm just going on some vague info given to me from a dying man. I tell him that my associate, and superior, Dr B, will be hearing of this and he's not going to be happy about it. Dr K narrows his eyes and says something along the lines of "Computer, save file Dr B...".I give him a dirty look and try to get away from him real fast. I have no idea what is supposed to happen when he says that but I can only imagine it had something to do with why Dr M killed himself to save me. He was probably victimized by it too. I run through the aisled filled with dread and then my fucking cell phone rings.

My actual phone, not a dream phone. So I will never know what the evil plot was. Thanks alot Supernintendo Chalmers!

Welcome to my brand spanking new dream journal!!!

Well good. For a few mins there everything I was typing was coming out in Hindi. I was starting to worry. Anyhow! I think I will be keeping this blog primarily for my dream records and for nothing else. The last few dreams I had will be pasted in from LJ but after that it will all be new stuff.