Horatio Sans (10/23/09)

I'm sleeping in my bed and as I'm waking up I roll over and face the window. In the window is a guy looking in on me. I'm barely awake and for a moment this makes sense. Also, when I am barely awake stupid things make sense. Then I realize there really is a guy in the window, that he is standing on another guy who is in a wheelchair (that's how he's tall enough to see in), and he's holding a sheep which is also staring at me so I jump up and call 911.

The robot voice on the line asks me what my emergency is and I tell it that there is a guy who looks like Horatio Sans holding a sheep and looking in my bedroom window while standing on a guy in a wheelchair. As I'm on the phone Horatio Sans gets down and leaves, dragging his sheep and his wheelchair guy with him. I ask the 911 robot to send cops to investigate this guy and I realize that the line is dead. No cops came out, probably because they thought I was making shit up.

I leave the bedroom and go down stairs and Horatio Sans is trying to get into the house! Shit!


Stephen Colbert (10/16/09)

For some reason Stephen Colbert is sending me engagement rings through the mail. He doesn't really know me very well, and this is probably why none of the rings fit or really seem to be a ring I would want. I have to keep sending them back and politely declining the offer. It must be for some kind of sketch for the Colbert Report.


Blumpkins (10/09/09)

I'm in this store with a group of people. The store has innocent products in it and also smutty products. It's like that mall chain store who may or may not still exist and I can't think of their name right now. I'm walking around looking at the variety of stuff.

At some point I realize that I need to go pee so I seek out the public restroom. The bathroom was huge and had many stalls. There were armed guards in it too as the bathroom was unisex, and they don't want anyone being raped unwillingly. Man, was that bathroom a busy place! I wander through all the halls looking for an empty stall (and by STALL I mean a cubical with low walls around it so everyone can see what you are doing). I see all kinds of depravity going on. One whole row of stalls was dudes getting blumpkins (look it up).

(This post will get me a bunch of random hits from pervs!)


cupcakes (10.5.09)B

I am at a banquet with my BF and a few other people. There are many other people there too. I had made cupcakes for the event and they turned out shockingly good. The rest of the event was spent with me trying to locate my cupcakes.

Eventually the event ends and it's just my people who are still milling around. My BF sends me on a mission to find more cupcakes (like I wasn't already doing that all night). I happen across the staff's fridge. It has left overs in it. I check all over and there are none of my cupcakes left it seems. There are other confections though, and I cram my face full of them.

Flooding! (10.5.09)A

The river is flooding. I hate that. Flood water is always this murky water that is spooky and gross.

We are driving over that bridge near Bart's and the river is only 1 to 2 feet under the bridge and I'm feeling claustrophobic about it.

Soon after I have to use a boat to get around town.