Orgies and Spiders (11/20/08)B

While at the mall with the BF we run into these two random dudes who we invite back to that house that I am housesitting at for an orgy. Way cool.

Later on I went back to my own house and went to use the master bathroom. On the screen of the master bathroom's window is the most horrifying giant spider. It's on the outside and that is a really good thing. It had a thick body the size of a small bird, meaty legs about the width of my fingers, and 2 huge eyes that I could kinda see through it's pale translucent yellowish body. I tried to blow it off the screen. It was so gross. I took out my camera phone so I could get a few shots of it because no way was anyone goung to believe the size of this thing. As I am photographing it it starts to slowly walk down the window and onto the roof. A passing fox runs up the side of the house to try and get it, but fails. It runs back into the forest. A few hours later I take out my phone to show people the spider pictures, but every time I pull the picture up on the screen I reflexively throw the phone on the ground. Nasty.

Haunted Bathroom (11/20/08)

I feel like a family member is playing a prank on me. Stacked on top of the faucet in the bathroom are 2 of my individually wrapped cookie bars, unwrapped and sitting directly on the toothpaste-polka-dot faucet. They are really tasty for a pre-packaged and manufactured cookie product, and now they are inedible because they are on the faucet of questionable cleanliness. Dammit. I left something in the room to go seek out the prankster and when I came back that thing was totally on top of the cookie bar stack. No one had been in the bathroom since I left it. Ghosts did it. Another person confirms that they went in there earlier and there was an apparition floating around in the shower.
Weird.

My shrinking cat (11/19/08)

I'm at my grandmother's house in Niagara Falls. My whole family is there. My cat is there. In her extreme old age she has been shrinking. At 23 she is now kitten sized. It's sad and cute all at the same time. There are pillar shaped clouds in the sky behind the house so I shout to everyone to get into the basement. Evidently those tornadoes did not hit the house. Good thing too, as I was having a hard time finding a spot in the basement that was not by a window, or not by a lot of sharp tools.

War Tomorow (11/18/08)

I'm living in a high rise appartment in NJ. Apparently world war has been scheduled for Monday, and it was midnight Saturday. Crap. You just know that nukes are going to hit NYC and NJ is close enough to become charcoal. I debate leaving. My dad thinks I'll be far enough away from NYC to not die butjust get some radiation. No thanks. I contemplate calling friends and getting out of town.


(((NOTE: This is a DREAM. This is a DREAM BLOG.)))

Trees suck. (11/15/08)

It's a stormy day. I wake up and go use the bathroom. Through the bathroom window I can see a tree with a large/long branch that has broken off of it. The branch reaches from the base of the tree to the bathroom window, which it has pierced. The rest of the window did not break, but a pinky-sized stick has popped a hole in the window. I hate wind storms.

I need my space, beotch. (11/06/08)

It was SnB day, and for whatever reason my shower was not working. I called up an SnB friend to see if I could shower at her house. She said yes. I go over there and she and her family leave the house so I'll have privacy in the kitchen shower (it's really cool too cuz I can set my shampoo and stuff on the table). Just before my shower I get a text from the BF asking me what I'm up to. I say I'm at this friend's house showering. So what does he do? He shows up at the house and walks into the kitchen. OMFG. Shower time is alone time! I yell at him and try to push him out of the kitchen. Plus I don't want my friend to come back into the house and see that I have my BF in the shower with me and make her think that I'm just a weirdo. Plus I don't want her little kid to see us and have to explain to him what is going on. I finally get the BF out the door and I give him directions to SnB where he can go wait for me if he wants to hang out. I walk back into the kitchen and scream because there are some guys in there. They just came home from something and were looking for the rest of thier family. I appologize for screaming and finish my shower.

Before I went to SnB I dropped by the grocery store. I find these tables set out with lazy susans and little eclair-looking pastries. There was a contest? Or a non-free tasting? IDK. I started turning the lazy susan to look for eclairs that I wanted. Passion Fruit? Sure. Ammaretto? Yes. Some weird bright blue thing? Okay. There were little sheets of paper there so you xcould write the prices down of what you picked out so they could be rung up at the registers. Yeah, some were more exopensive. I think the passion fruit one said $9, or it was a smudged $2. Who knows, they should not have written on the frosting. I try to be good about this and write my prices down, but I'm still so irked about the shower incident that a few of the eclair prices get away from me (yeah, at this point a ton of other people are around me and are spinning the lazy susan. It try to retrace what I took and get these prices but I find that the other ones like them have been taken and eaten already. Oh well. There arn't security cameras. No one can prove what I took. I pencil in what I assume the prices could be and I check out. I guess I won't be getting a giant cookie at the coffee shop tonight.

Guilt free! (11/02/08)

I get intimate with my bf.

Yarn and Bead Show! And Infidelity! (11/01/08)

Myself and a few others went to this bead and yarn show. It was a series of large tents with booths set up inside of them. Much of the yarn a bead show was not beads or yarn and was therefore not that interesting. I moved on. I got separated from my other people and I found this one booth with both beads and yarn. Sweet. There were these neat shawl pin things (Fibulas?) that were heavy duty and high quality cast sterling and they were only $4.99. Shit, the sterling alone should have cost more. I rifle through the box of them looking for the perfect one for my Mystery Stole 3. There was a flamingo one, it was cute but it was too pointy. It would either stab me or snag up the lace. Then I find a nice dolphin one. Cool. I used to really like dolphins. Why not? I buy the dolphin pin from the lady in the booth. As I reached for my purchase I realize that it was gone. Shit. Dreams suck like that. I see near me is a big bag of multi-colored seed beads that change color in sunlight. It was $10. I buy that too, apparently not learning my lesson. It also disappears along with half of her stock. Realizing that the only way this will work is if I meet her in real life, I tell her that Stitches East will be in Hartford CT in 2009, and that she really needs to be there.
I leave the yarn/bead show.

Sometime later I am getting intimate with a guy who is not my bf. The two of us were discussing my BF though, so that means it doesn't count, right?

Lesbians?!? (10/28/08)

I'm at my grandparent's house in TX for a birthday party for some little cousins of mine. They are twins, a boy and a girl. My grandparent's house is huge and awesome. It has one of the most complicated staircases in the world. To go to the second floor you have to go up one staircase, down another one, across this little walkway, down and then up again. It takes a while but it gives you a good workout.

At some point a relative takes me asside and says: "There has been some talk about you and lesbians. Do you know lesbians????"

"Certainly not! That would be scandalous!" I say.

That put everyone's mind at ease and we returned to the party. My little cousins were unwrapping thier gifts.

oopse! (10/27/08)

While pet sitting at this house with a dog I forget to feed the dog for a few days... and forget to let it out of it's crate. Damn! It probably needs to potty! As I let the dog out to the back yard I see this quail stuck in the enclosed porch. I try to reach through the bars to touch it and she tries to snap at me. Her mate, a pheasant, is waiting outside for her release. I ask the quail if I can touch her feathers, they are so pretty and green. She says it's ok. I touch the pretty green feathers.

A dream that makes sense (9/27/08)

IRL: I slept for much of the day on Saturday. I needed to do something with the dozen or so peaches that I picked the week before.

Dream: I could make the fold-over cookies with the peaches! That would be tasty and different. I would need to go to the store to get a package of cream cheese, but that's ok as I need to get a few things at the store anyways. The fold-over cookies do call for a jam filling, and I really don't feel like cooking down a bunch of peaches all night long... But if I did I could get some vanilla ice cream at the store to help use up and peach stuff that might be left over when the cookies are completed!

IRL: I did not make cookies. I made a peach upside down cake, and some peach muffins. I did get the vanilla ice cream to go with the cake though.

That internet friend (9/25/08)

For whatever random reason I have one of my former internet friends visiting. He's kindof a dick. Some huge party gets started here and the house gets trashed. My mom is all up in my grill yelling at me for the mess I made. While my mom is trying to get my attention the internet friend is also talking to me, and like an asshole, is not shutting up while my mom is talking. Dude, I'll get in trouble if I don't listen to what my mom issaying, STFU. I'm being yelled at for the pile of dirty dishes. I yell back that they are the mess that her cousin, who has been visiting now for a month, has made. He's such a slacker.

job interview! don't be late! (9/24/08)

While struggling to wake up before my bank teller job interview I had this dream:

I'm looking around for that big stack of resumes I printed out that day I went to the crappy job fair. I find them in a manilla envelope. Sweet. I take them out to inspect them and make sure they are the generic ones and not the specific ones.
"...to obtain an entry level Obstetrician/Gynecologist position..."
Yeah, those are the ones. That's just another way of saying Bank Teller too, right??

I wake up with barely enough time to get to my interview.

yuck. (9/22/08)

I'm having a grand old time being with my boyfriend and everything is peachy keen and romantic and then I realize that it's really my ex-boyfriend. Umm? (Yeah, I'm confussed too) ....I forgave him for cheating and lying and being just an asshole in general? And I'm happy with him? He sucks and is a loser. WTF.

Dreams are so stupid.

Weird Vacation? (9/15/08)

Emily, Sarah, Mark and myself were going to go to see a show before we traveled to Europe. The show was some sort of one-person play/stand up/concert thing. It was kinda lame.

Later on we find ourselves at a beach. The tsunamis was not as frequent on this day, which is good. I grew tired of the beach so I teleported to another place. There was some sort of annoying and violent redneck family squatting in this new place. They did not seem to like my intrusion so they had sent one of thier stolen pet lions after me. This particular lion was black and didn't have much in the way of neck fur. I flew up into the air, the lion reared up to get me, I was just out of it's reach. I ended the fight by jumping on the lion's neck and breaking it's spine. This just pissed off the rednecks and they were about to sic another stolen lion on me, but what they didn't know was that the cops were on thier way, and they had guns. The lions were shot. Thew rednecks and the police had a fierce gun battle so I teleported away. Unfortunately one of the gun-totting rednecks got teleported with me, and I soon found myself hiding behind a large pillar-like sculpture while the gunman looked for me. The people in the office building that owned the sculpture eventually called the cops to get the guy. I teleported to rejoin my friends at the beach.

From there we went to Europe, somewhere on the Hungary/Germany/France border. We were going to see a show there too. It was supposed to be the finest show in Hungary/Germany/France. Before the show we walked the streets of whatever city is on the border of H/G/F. It was full of crazy shops. That is always a good time. There was this riverboat or ferry ride that looked classy and cool so we decided we'd go for a ride on it. We get just to the front of the line, which is on a ramp that attatches to the boat, and the girl employee was like "We are full. We can't fit any more humans on the boat." Naturally I stepped over the rope and revealed that I was not human (I'm from space, and the future, and I can teleport and fly). She looked at me like I was high on crack. I offered to show her my tail, or my 4th stomach.

We got escorted off the boat ramp. Whatever. It was almost time for the show anyways. While lining up to get our seats we run into alot of germans also in line to see the show.
I say : The german accent is really hot.
Emily says: No, it sounds like garbage.
Oh snap.
We are seated and the show begins. It seems sort of familiar. The lady is lame, but is dressed totally different from that show we saw before we went to the beach that time. Then the lady makes some reference to the bag of tattoos she just got. Wait... that previous show also had a bag of tattoos. I stood up and asked her if that bag of tattoos was a large black garbage bag. She turned pale and realized that she'd been found out. She ran off the stage on tears. Nobody in the audience cared, because the play or whatever it was sucked. The german-accented people thanked me.

We left the theatre and it was dark out. Emily, Sarah and Mark were all holding hands and skipping down the sidewalk, sortof like that scene in Wizard of Oz. It was difficult for me to keep up on foot so I flew above them. As they approached the street I shrank them so it would be easier to cross the street. Being really small makes it easier to be seen by oncoming traffic, right? After screaming and running thier way across the busy european street they get to the other side of the road. I restore them to thier usual sizes. Somehow we are at Central Connecticut State University at dawn. Weird.

War (9/4/08)

I wake up today and there is a war going on in our yard (at the old house).
A tank and some army guys are in the garage and they are firing off rounds at the enemy from the driveway. You can see the tracers going off into the sky. I really have no idea who the enemy is, or why the war is in our yard. I wonder if I should bring refreshments to the army guys in the garage.

I'm asking my mom about the war when I start to see incoming tracers. I tell my mom I love her and then I go take cover on the back porch. At some point I decide to go out into the back yard. As I'm walking back around to the front yard I see a figure stand up from the garden. They are covered in dirt and twigs like they had just crawled her through the dirt and came up through the garden. The figure has a machine gun. I yell to the arm guys for help as I get shot (a lot). The army guys come over and catch the figure. Under all that dirt and stick camoflage is a grimey blonde woman with missing teeth. The enemy? The army guys beat her up but are careful not to kill her. They need info from her.

I wake up in a hospital. One of the comanding officers from the garage is there too. They replaced his blood with a high protien blue liquid. It was kinda cool.

Cat & Mouse (9/3/08)

I'm in the bathroom and I'm looking over at the window where cannibal (our black cat) is sitting. A black mouse runs out from the window and into the bathtub. It starts running around the walls of the shower like speedy gonzales. The cat reaches out and catches the mouse by it's tail then drops it into the toilet. I was so proud. I quickly shut the lid on the toilet and flush it. Naturally the toilet decides to overflow and I have to pick the toilet up and move it so I can sop up all the water.

Rhinebeck Massacre (9/2/08)

I'm on a bus going to Rhinebeck with a bunch of other people. At some point I decide that I want to drive myself there so I get in a car and continue on my way. A few other people came with me. Car trouble happens and we pull over to get some repairs done. There is this rednecky family that offers to help and they start by leaving the car outside and separating me and my friends. I'm made to wash dishes.

It occurs to me that they mean us harm so I get on the walkie-talkie to one of my friends and I tell her we are going to leave now. I went to look for her but never found her. It was too late anyhow. I had to leave the corpses and my car and make myself invisible. I flew above the trees (I also fly) and saw the psycho redneck family go outside looking for me with thier shotguns in hand.

Working From Home (8/23/08)

Monogramming is really busy right now. I'm in my bed room, using my bed as a desk, and customers are coming in and trying to get monogramming done. It's really annoying. I can't work like this. I shut down the register in my room and shut the door. People are still barging in looking to get stuff monogrammed. I eventually leave the room so I can go get some paper to make a sign to put on my door that says something like "Closed" or "Kindly GTFO". While I'm in the kitchen looking for a marker that isn't dried out I can see people walking down the hall way and peering into my room. It's rude as fuck.

Dangling Gut (08/22/08)

One day I am in the bathroom getting dressed and I see myself in the mirror. My tummy is all flabby, and is actually hanging down, in 2 lobes, kinda like saggy boobs. I am horrified. I am depressed. I resolve to stop eating at Burger King all the time.